Saturday, January 14, 2006

Policy Statement

To divert briefly and temporarily from the normal theme of nonsense, drivel and rhetoric that adorns these pages, I was so pissed off this morning that I claim my right to a bi-annual rant.

As politicians go (and I wish they would {just fulfilling my crap joke quota}), I don’t mind Gordon Brown. He does not embrace the cult of celebrity, and over the last few years the british economy has been more steady than it has in living memory. From my perspective, that is the best I can hope for under a capitalist system.

This morning, however, I read that he is encouraging us to “embrace the Union flag”. I am fairly confident that he does not mean for us to use it as some kind of sexual aid, in conjunction with monkey wrenches and pickled artichokes.

So, Mr Brown, as you read this over your British breakfast of black pudding, porridge and marmite, let me give you my response. Fuck off. Fuck right off. Cleanse your colon with a union flag, preferably one laced with vinegar and having a wire brush stapled to it.

And as for those pillocks looking for English icons, here are my suggestions: Oliver Cromwell, Myra Hindley, Harold Shipman, Margaret Thatcher, the Black Hole of Calcutta and Jeremy Beadle.

The policy of Kaliyuga Kronicles is to (and not without some pomposity) embrace the concept of one world. There is no characteristic of any racial or ethnic group that makes them any different from any other. We are all bewildered, confused and largely ignorant beings, incredibly similar to one another and sharing the same fate.

I recognise the difference between racism, nationalism and patriotism, but I denounce them all and will have nothing to do with them here. Bollocks to it. I reserve the right to make fun of racial characteristics (are y’all reading this, Adam?) and am more than happy for my many readers (AMToNW) to include such material in their comments. However, please be aware that it is not your ethnic background that makes you a source of fun, but rather the fact that you have nothing better to do than hang around here.

I’m just off to Downing Street with a long pointed barbed stick to assist old Gordon with that fucking flag.


Mark Gamon said...

Ah. You beat me to it on this one!

caroline said...

Are you eating the prunes still?

I worry.

Vicus Scurra said...

No, I jump up and down when I am eating them. Helps the process, don't you know.

zoavluti - Maori replacement for Umaga

Daniel said...

Finally someone with some good sense. I like this analysis. Gordon Brown has had it for me. There is nothing to celebrate! I will quote you on my trashing of Brotain Day! Daniel

Simon Holledge said...

It seems that G Brown is trying to change his nationality from Scottish to British to suit his political ambitions.

Labour are a bunch of philistines, instead of supporting education, sport and especially the arts we have gimmicky campaigns similar to those popular in totalitarian countries.

Betty said...

No doubt the Labour party is a bit panicky about all those polls showing how popular the lovely smooth skinned Mr Cameron is. Gordon Brown is flexing his muscles and trying to win back that all-important Little England vote.

tom909 said...

You got this one right Vicus. I couldn't believe it when I heard that coming out of my radio. What a twat!
I absolutely hate nationalism, almost as much as religion. Tell us Gordon, what good has it ever done for world peace, the starving millions, and all of the exploited of this world.
You are an overpaid and totally misguided wanker.

TC said...

I reckon they've all outlived their fuckin' shelf life!

tom909 said...

I've been thinking about this today. Was there ever a war that wasn't started by religion or nationalism. Go George - hopefully you will never get the chance to be in charge of the oh so Great Britain.