Saturday, July 29, 2006

Moist, throb, inner thigh, engorged, thrust.

As it is the weekend, and everyone pretends to have no time for the internet, I thought I would sneak in a quick sports post, at least it will serve to cool down the ardour of the many frenetic females who hang out here (aMToNW).

After many years of wandering in the wilderness, it seems that there is an English slow bowler who may develop into world class. Apart from Derek Underwood, who was a slow bowler rather than a spinner, there have been none in my cricketing years. I never saw Jim Laker play. Monty Panesar seems to have the ability to bowl aggressive spin. I don’t remember seeing that in an England test team. My memories are of English spin bowling are clouded by that complete and utter twat Emburey, and various bit parts played by the woefully pathetic Tufnell, Croft, Edmonds and countless other underachievers. Panesar is accurate, he varies his delivery and he is able to spin the ball. I suspect that often he does not know what it is going to do. He is good to watch, unusual enough in a bowler. All of the current England batsmen are good to watch too, with the exception of Collingwood, and I don’t begrudge him his place in the team. So I have found another (lack of) activity which will cause my roots to embed themselves further into my couch as the long hot days of summer pass by. Regular readers (a Mrs Trellis of Silly Mid Off) will know that I do not pass the Tebbit test (and no, I will not, at this time, indulge my non-British fans be explaining that). I like to watch skilful players; however, in defence of the English cricket team who were criticised for their performances against Sri Lanka, I would point the critics towards today’s scorecard from South Africa. 624 for the third wicket, no less. Can I also put forward the name of Michael Holding as the filler of the void left by Richie Benaud.

I also took time to watch the Bledisloe cup game (see my previous Tebbit related comment). I thoroughly enjoyed it, despite being distracted by the whingeing Australian commentators. What a pair of big girl’s blouses. Then after the test match had finished on Sky there was a short film about Laker’s match in 1956. Some of the Australian players were interviewed. They are still whingeing 50 years later.

There, I don’t think there was anything slightly amusing in any of that, so I will have to try out Jack’s theory to see whether the title of the article attracts more readers than normal.

And I still might write about Fred Trueman at some stage.

26 comments:

tom909 said...

Yes Vicus, the title got me reading, but then I realised your ploy. I am slightly interested in cricket so your info is not completely wasted on me. On the subject of amusing threads, I am having a bit of a crisis right now myself - temporary loss of what little sense of humour I have been blessed with. Hopefully a good night's sleep will set me up with something interesting to write about that can further aid mankind on his spiritual journey.
Goodnight my old friend.

Richard said...

Monty Panesar bowling is an absolute delight. Completely agree with you. One other five-for in that second innings was cruelly ignored: Geraint Jones I thought played out of his skin keeping to Monty. OK he let a couple shoot over his shoulder but even Bob Taylor would have had trouble with those. Not so much APEK as he was superlative to the left armer. The stumping of Yusuf was tremendous. To be that alert first ball after lunch takes some doing and to do it knowing that everyone's baying for your blood says a lot about his character.

I'm divided on Tufnell. He wasn't a great spinner but he had a great character and that counts a lot out there. And a good arm ball.

Mark Gamon said...

Nope. Lost. I re-read this post three times, and it still appears to be written in Swahili or something.

Vicus Scurra said...

Richard, I take it that when you say "great character" you mean "blithering idiot". Would you employ the man?
Mark. I will attempt to introduce the names of some 19th century unrecorded blues singers from Montana so that you can get your bearings.

Richard said...

Oh, depends on what for. He was best of a pretty rank bunch at the time and I would imagine he was the butt of much levity in the field. Considering the hiding to nothing England were invariably on during his engagement, this would have been of benefit to his team-mates. If I wanted a wall built or a granny flat designed I think I'd go elsewhere.

I've just re-read your post and I wish to ask something. Are you implying that Monty spent several years wandering in the wilderness? I believe he grew up in Luton so this may well be the case.

Vicus Scurra said...

No, Richard, that would be the England team. Remember Moses took 40 years and never made it. I have better hopes for young Panesar.

Frontier Editor said...

Well, I've actually read this thread, and Ken Dodd makes more sense to me. But at least I have the good manners lacking in about 89.32 percent of the U.S. populace to respect the sanctity of this conversation.

However, after Richard's earlier posting on Fred Trueman, I look forward to your character study on him. A character's a character, no matter what he or she plays.

Dave said...

Perhaps your time for BMCC would be better spent in the nets, rather than on the settee. I have been working out the averages whilst on holiday (listening to the Long Wave) and will be dropping you down the order a bit next week.

More about this later (by Friday, probably) over at my place.

I lived in Luton for two years; it's where I developed my fearsome slower ball.

Hairy Palmed Twitcher said...

This is the second time this week that I've been led to this site under false pretences .. please stop .. I have difficulties with disappointments and leakage.


fbbelt .. holds up my fb trousers

granny p said...

speaking as someone who like the blues and cricket...In short supply here though. We can get Channel 4 but bloody Murdoch stole it. (ie the cricket.) Speak as one forcibly brought up on edge of cricket pitch owing to proclivities of male relations. A question of beat 'em or join 'em. (Guess which I did, that may be a sign of weak character M Gamon, my Beloved who is of your persuasion thinks so, but there you go.) So I'm with you Vicus even if I can't at the moment swap enthusiasm for the new spin bowler having never seen him. Never mind. It saves domestic argument at least...As for you: enjoy...

tom909 said...

I like Tuffers because he is a laugh and something always seemed to be happening when he was playing. There are some sportsmen who have that quality like Botham, Gazza, Best (he was probably good on all counts), Gerard to a degree. They might not be the greatest from the sports point of view but plebs like them cos they make things happen.

Vicus Scurra said...

I'll tell you what was happening when Tuffers (they should have called him Twatters) was playing - his fucking team were fucking losing. He was a crap player, idle, and about as amusing as Jim Davidson.
Dave. Who is the only player to have scored a century for you this season? I expect you would have dropped Herbert Sutcliffe down the order because him and Hobbs only averaged 75 for the partnership.

ziggi said...

actually I thought Stevie Harmison was the hero - so shoot me :)

ziggi said...

and he's lovely and tall

Mark Gamon said...

Vicus - if you can find an unrecorded blues artist from Montana, I owe you a pint.

Montana??????!?!!!?!??????

I appreciate the gesture, mind...

Dyna Girl said...

Hey baby. I'll be back to read ast your title once I, ahem, take an artic shower.

Pamela Troeppl said...

vicus, you confound me. Nothing new there.

Vicus Scurra said...

Ziggi, but I never refer to a single game. We all know how good Harmison is. England probably has its best bowling attack since Trueman and Statham, and would have if the buggers didn't keep hurting themselves, but to have a spinner is worth writing about.

Richard said...

Yes, totally agree, idle bugger not paticularly good fielder and dreadful batsman. But he got 121 wickets in 42 tests and 3 per game for a spinner isn't a bad haul. Far better than Emburey's. Over a quarter of his test wickets came in 5 fors or 10 fors. Plus he played under some pretty clueless captains. He's also one of the few from the modern game to have taken over 1000 first class wickets. I can't see many newer players doing that because they just don't get the games. I think he was a far better player than he gave out.

Actually, this is a bit of challenge. An England 11 composed solely of workshy layabouts.Possibly include big-hearted tryers like Devon Malcolm, too.

jromer said...

the ONLY thing i understood in this posting is the title.

and also, i'm going to admit it, i don't know what (aMToNW) means. so go ahead. have your fun...but do let me know what it means.

(please)

Mark Gamon said...

GP - good to see you around again. You've been (you are?) missed. Please NB I don't see the pursuit of cricket as a sign of weak character. Except in me, for not yet fully plumbing its bounteous and revealing depths...

(WHAT did I just write?)

homo escapeons said...

Bloody 'ell!
Fool me once,
shame on me.
Fool me twice,
DOH!
I say thats not Cricket.
The only Cricket we have here in the Colony is the kind that chirp incessantly from dusk to dawn. My niece just returned from India with a Cricket thingamabob for my son. We'll give it a whack and see what all of the fuss is about.

Vicus Scurra said...

HE, I hate to disappoint you, but "thingamabob" is not a recognised piece of cricketing equipment.

Carmenzta said...

Anna,

I'm glad you said that because I thought I was the only ignorant person left in the blog universe. Even Fronty seems to know that these Brits are writing about.

Also, READ CAREFULLY: A Mrs. Trellis of North Wales. This is what he refers to when Vicus speaks of his "readers."

rgbgpwjo - Guitar-like instrument played by obscure and unrecorded blues artists in Montana.

Daphne Wayne-Bough said...

There's a bloke called Malingerer plays for Sri Lanka. Can this be right? I am also foxed by aMToNW.

Anonymous said...

Desolated to differ from you old chap, but Underwood wasn't a slow bowler, he was just shy of medium pace. That's been the problem for a generation - because he was so successful, young bowlers have tried to imitate him ever since, and the art of the air ball has been left to the Indians.

I never saw Laker either, but I saw Fred Titmus and David Allen turning them from both ends and getting through 20+ overs an hour. Glorious. It's been a long time, but it was worth the wait. Viva Panesar!

Chris