Out of kindness I tend to compose treatises on sporting themes at the weekend when no bugger reads them. I find it curious that my virtual friends find plenty of time during the working day to call in to deliver or receive wisdom, but are curiously busy at weekends. Perhaps you are all in the employ of some bizarre internet monitoring company and have been assigned to me.
As the cricket season is nearly at an end in
- Mr Gower: ‘Mighty’ is an adjective. The corresponding adverb is ‘mightily’.
- Most commentators: ‘Ask’ is not a noun.
- Bob Willis: you are not a commentator, you are a sedative. Your tone is so monotonous, and your speech littered with so many inappropriate clichés that you could get a job in an accounts department.
- Sky in general: try to discourage sponsorship of cricket coverage. The repetition of the same unfunny skits is unbearably tedious, in the same league of tediousness as Mr Willis’s voice, if that gives you a clue. I am very weary of hearing that blithering buffoon, Henry Blofeld, uttering the phrase “Protection is our game”. I deeply regret that his parents adopted a different philosophy.
The better bits.
- Michael Holding: as good a commentator as he was a bowler. For those of you who are not sure how good that was, it was fucking good.
- David Lloyd: thank you.
NasserInsane: I am prepared to attempt to overcome my prejudice and give you a bit longer. You seem to be realising that the situation in which someone of your mediocre cricketing ability was an automatic choice for England for so long was an indication of the dreadful quality in your time, and that the current team and several of those waiting in reserve are much, much better batsmen than you were.
Fred Trueman: we will miss you. I trust that you have found a place in heaven suitably commensurate with your very high standing, and that someone has finally explained what is going off out there. You were one of the best. The best English bowler I ever saw. Up there with the top group (see the reference to Mr Holding above). For those who never saw Mr Trueman bowl (and he mostly bowled in black and white), then you have missed one of the most graceful and at the same time powerful of sporting spectacles.
And this evening, just to prove me wrong, Bob Willis started to get interesting. It didn’t last for long, but he did refer to ‘left-handed mustard’.