Monday, September 25, 2006

No surprise really

My very good friend Realdoc has this exciting link on her page about which ‘celebrity’ resembles you.

Before you read any further (this is addressed to the resilient, hard of understanding core of persistent visitors who have not already stopped), go over to her site and commend her for the high standards, and leave a comment about my being a thieving bastard.

My list came up with loads of people who don't look like me but wear the same style of spectacles. The only spectacle-free match was Andie McDowell.

I have never been so happy.

I am leaving now to visit House of Fraser to enhance my wardrobe. Do you think that this style suits me?

I am also going to have a good feel around next time I have a shower. It may be some time before you hear from me again. Well, let me modify that. I may be too preoccupied to write on this blog for the foreseeable future, but if you live in the vicinity of north east Hampshire, then you may hear low moans of ecstasy.

I am a little concerned, however, that I may attract the unwanted attentions of Hugh Grant. Do any of you have any advice as to how to get rid of this man?

30 comments:

Mark Gamon said...

Just keep 'acting' in your usual wooden and emotion-free style. He'll soon move on to Julia Roberts.

Vicus Scurra said...

That was unnecessarily bitter, Mr G. Have you been rejected by Ms McDowell , perchance?
Come round and I'll show you her tits.

tom909 said...

So from Lulu to Ms mcDowell - I'm damn certain I've made that change somewhere before. I thought she was rather good, but then I am easily satisfied.

Betty said...

A bit of fashion advice, since you asked for it - that dress is so 1980's and over, girlfriend. Grey is the new black and you should be aiming for a softer, more unstructured look if you want to be "now".

Frontier Editor said...

As to wardrobe, I suspect for some strange, unconfirmable reason, that you might want to avoid open-toed shoes.

As for Mr. Grant, simply say that Ms. Hurley told you all about him and that nerve responsiveness issue of his.

And as for Ms. McDowell's tits, is she standing for the seat from north east Hampshire?

Frontier Editor said...

Following in your non-gender biased footsteps, I've found that I resemble Ray Bradbury, William Hurt, Sergio Leone, Malcolm X and B.F. Skinner.

I think I'm going to go away and mull intensely over the sociological implications of that mix, if the Skinner and X in me don't kill each other first . . .

Richard said...

I have now tried this several times, with and without beard. Tim Roth and inexplicably Lance Armstrong appear often but I am pouching the last set of results to show the laydees, the set which gives me a 74% match with Johnny Depp and a 64% one with the Clooney fellow. A 63% match with top nutstick L.Ron Hubbard is to be discounted. Quite coincidentally I apparently bear a 62% likeness to Werner von Siemens, the industrialist. I wonder if this is familial and whether I'm owed a few bob?

Dave said...

Can you still play cricket though, or will you keep tripping over that dress?

Dave said...

'My list came up with loads of people who don't look like me but wear the same style of spectacles.'

The same thing happened to me. This isn't a face-matching device, it's an accessory-matcher.

The only spectacle-free person I resemble is someone called Zinedine Zidane. I suspect he may be a foreigner. He does look quite like me, though.

realdoc said...

Mr. vicus judging on hairstyles you do look rather like Ms. McDowell. Do you also favour Loreal haircare products?

Vicus Scurra said...

Betty, you are a true friend.
FE, your comments are welcome, but I doubt whether they bear the authority of those of Betty.
Richard - a very interesting combination. I wonder whether there is a career opportunity for cycling Scientologists?
Dave, please avoid your prejudices. Remember Brian Johnstone and Penny Cowdrey. I would avoid mentioning that French chap. I believe that the Methodist Church is a little inflexible when it comes to headbutting members of the congregation. Or am I thinking of 7th Day Adventists?
Realdoc, let me ponder a while about giving fashion tips. Not that I do not want to share my beauty with the world, I am cautious in case things that work well for me are not so successful for those whom God, in his infinite wisdom, has not favoured with my natural advantages.

Vita said...

Back to the mysteries, what's that car Inspector Linley drives?

Vicus Scurra said...

Hello Vita. How nice to hear from you. In the books it is a Bentley, not sure on TV. I am sure there are some real men out there who know these things, but as you can see I am more likely to be able to describe his soft furnishings.

tom909 said...

I don't think that thing likes my beard - it keeps telling me I haven't got a face.
One more go and I give up.
But yes Vicus, your resemblance to Ms Macdowell is not only obvious but also well known. Is it in fact true that on more than one occasion you have been asked to stand in for her in those sickening ads that she does for that bloody face filler. Do you use it yourself or is your skin naturally soft and fresh?

Richard said...

I suspected it was a Bristol and a peek at the BBC website does indeed confirm that it's a Bristol 410.

ziggi said...

I will die happy I am Meg Ryan and Goldie Hawn - I will even take Hugh off your hands.
Please don't wear anything shorter than ground length.
(I was also inexplicably Wayne Rooney - I'm slightly less happy about that one)

Vicus Scurra said...

Tom, I refer you to the answer that I gave to Realdoc.
Richard, I trust you are not lowering the tone here by introducing rhyming slang.
Ziggi, if you are a Goldie Hawn lookalike, can you please post a picture of your butt. I say this in a non-sexist way, and the motive for this request is for aesthetic reasons only.

Frontier Editor said...

I'd hope that my comments on evening footwear wouldn't be too experienced, seeing that I'm torn between explaining the intellectual inferiority of non-whites and decrying the white devils who keep us under their heel.

uzicex: suitable for breech or barrel

homo escapeons said...

As the younger lads often remark,
"Dude,WTF!"

I certainly hope that this is NOT the same software scanning us at airports...apparently I resemble

The Prince of Wales
Venus Williams
Colin Powell
Nathan Lane
Zhang Yimou
and Xzibit??????

Vicus Scurra said...

But, HE, uncannily, that is exactly how I would describe you.

First Nations said...

to avoid the unwonted attentions of hugh grant you must a. marry him, and
b. have loads of class and c. be terribly good looking, intelligent, talented and rich. take it from elizabeth hurley...works like a charm.

Kyahgirl said...

Hi vicus; to get rid of him you must offer him a blow job in your sedan. he'll tell you he's already been down that road (albeit with a hooker not a fine upstanding citizen like yourself) and that it caused him too much trouble. then he'll move on to someone shy and retiring like mark.

oh sorry, I don't come around for ages then show up and make crude remark....you can delete me if you like.

Vicus Scurra said...

FN - welcome. I am OK with b and c, but a seems extreme. Is there no easier way?
Kyahgirl - I have no problem with the crudeness, but would be alarmed if he were to accept my offer. For some quaint reason, and it may be deeply Freudian, I have no desires to be intimate with Hugh Grant.
I suspect that my initial euphoria at being a female sex goddess is beginning to mellow.

Cherrypie said...

It has nothing to do with facial furniture. I just tried using a ( very) recent photo wearing my specs. Not one of the resulting celebrities wears glasses ( Sigourney Weaver, Katie Holmes, Kirsten Dunst and, yes, I've been told before, Nicole Kidman). You don't know how releived I was not to see Hattie Jacques there.

You don't need to marry Hugh. Liz didn't. Just ask him to accompany you to London Fashion Week and he'll soon lose interest. Ask Jemima ( do you people not keep up with current affairs?)

Cherrypie said...

my word verification was huwine. Honestly. So that's what you call that irritating word-fluffing

gautami tripathy said...

To get rid of Hugh Grant, you shoot him dead! Extreme but it will do the deed!

Vicus Scurra said...

Cherrypie, you are utterly wrong. 9 out of the ten people suggested had the same face furniture and only one bore any resemblence to me. (They also suggested Nana Mouskouri.)

Vicus Scurra said...

Namaste Gautami. I see from your blog you are reading the Gita. I do not recall Hugh Grant being specifically mentioned as being one of those who could be killed with impunity by Arjuna. Perhaps you have a more up to date version than me. Does yours have any mention of Margaret Thatcher?

mcwwol - my name as pronounced with a mouth full of toffee.
(Later worshippers at this church may be unaware of the somewhat lapsed tradition of defining the word verification).

Frontier Editor said...

Vicus, if all else fails, you could still use that hoary old solution of closing your eyes and thinking of England, but Tony Blair may well have made that measure completely ineffective.

Go with Gautami's solution or, better yet, screw up your face a bit, get a photo interpretation that brings back an Eddie Murphy look-alike, and you anf Hugh can go out looking for hookers together. This time, however, let him take the transvestite.

raincoaster said...

FFS, surely it's not hard to get rid of Hugh Grant. Just tell him you're pregnant. He'll leave skid marks, I'm telling you!