Thursday, September 21, 2006

I am relieved and a little surprised to learn from my friends at the BBC that Lulu is now president of Brazil. I thought I had not seen her hanging around outside my house for some time. I always felt that she had more to offer the world than being a mediocre singer with big tits, and is nice to see that she has made some effort to change career. It gives hope to us all. I am tempted to reconsider my decision not to play competitive soccer for Denmark. They are in need of a good attacking central midfielder, and it might be seen as selfish for me not to make myself available. There are just so many things to do.

Anyway, I sent Lulu an email of congratulation. I am still puzzled. She could barely speak English, let alone Portuguese. On further reading of the news item, I am somewhat alarmed to learn that she is involved in some sort of scandal. This is a great shame, as her reputation is high, and if anyone can claim that after being married to one of the Bee Gees, then they must be very resilient.

I am wondering if similar career paths have tempted other former friends. Does anyone hear from Mick of Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick and Tich? Am I alone in thinking that the new pope is the spitting image of Helen Shapiro? And has anyone seen David Cameron and Alison Moyet together in the same place?

38 comments:

Richard said...

Yes indeed, Cardew 'The Cad' Robinson was a useful swing bowler for Surrey and England if I remember.

tom909 said...

I am afraid I cannot back you up in your enthusiasm for Lulu's new career, or for that matter her reputation. As far as I am concerned, the turning point for me, as far as Lulu is concerned, was when she represented our great nation in the European Song Contest. What an appalling fiasco that was! Since then for me her credibility has always been in question.
And frankly, whenever Lulu comes up in conversation, do we have to keep harping on about her big tits, as nice as they are.

Frontier Editor said...

Actually, Vicus, you may be off by the entire South Atlantic.

According to the Nigerian Tribune:

Lulu elected NFA chairman - Promises to unite Nigerian football family
‘BUNMI OGUNYALE,Lagos - 30.08.2006

http://www.tribune.com.ng/30082006/sports2.html

Besides, she'd probably split the Brazilian vote whilst the electorate decide who's prettier; her or Supla.

Frontier Editor said...

On further inspection of Theodore and Evadne's files this morning, it seems that Lulu really has gone to seed:

http://www.dreamlandnews.com/fans/lulu.shtml

Vicus Scurra said...

Tom. Are you suggesting that anyone appearing in the contest is in some way uncool? What about Pearl Carr and Teddy Johnson? We would have had no Jefferson Airplane without their influence.
FE. It is not beyond the capabilities of Lulu to do both those jobs, and represent Britain in the Eurovision Song Contest at the same time. After all, she does have very big tits.
I suspect that your link shows an impostor. If she had grown to those proportions, her tits would have flattened the Rocky Mountains.
And, FE, please stop going on about her tits. It upsets Tom.

Frontier Editor said...

But you forgot to mention her tits

tom909 said...

Not since I was fourteen have I focused on Lulu's tits for such a length of time - I'm going for a lie down.

Frontier Editor said...

I suppose her tits could have been th edeciding factor in the Brazilian general election, considering that her tits certainly were bigger than Supla's and given that Supla is a man

Frontier Editor said...

I do have a linguistic query: in Brazilian, would Lulu spell 'tits' as tihts or tihxts, or would she just forego any pretention of pretending to know the local language and just flash them in pidgin Portuguesa?

Vicus Scurra said...

I defer to Tom to answer your questions, FE. He seems to be the expert.
I expect this will now attract a new wave of perverts from Theodore and Evadne.

Frontier Editor said...

It attracted us, didn't it?

tom909 said...

Before we go any further with this I think perhaps I should point out now, I do not have 'hands on' experience of Lulu's tits. Obviously this is most probably only due to the fact I have never actually met her. Of course in my dreams it is another matter.

Frontier Editor said...

That shouldn't be a problem, Tom. She hasn't had any hands-on experience in being a major international music force in some years either

Carmenzta said...

I for one am glad it's Lulu and not Xuxa.

Ok, you guys can go on mentioning the word "tits" now. Go on.

ziggi said...

has she married Howard then? I thought he was dead

Dave said...

Perhaps you could explain to a youngster like me who this Lulu person is.

Vicus Scurra said...

I believe she is a modern beat singer, Dave.

Betty said...

I don't know about scandal, but Lulu allegedly had a relationship with the gay bloke out of Take That. Well, face it, if you were going to undergo a conversion in your sexual preferences, surely Lulu would be the woman to change everything.

As for Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick and Titch - well, Dozy was the shadowy figure behind the recent military coup in Thailand, Mick runs a pub in Rhyl and Titch is that gardener on the telly.

Vicus Scurra said...

No, no, Betty that gardening chap is called Dimmock. Peter Dimmock, used to present Sportsview in the 50s.

Frontier Editor said...

Betty does have a good point about Lulu and the "Take That" chap. After all, she managed to keep Sidnet Poitier from taking a high-paying job in the British radio-manufacturing industry in 1967. Whether it was her tits or a bit of extortion over his extracurricular activities, I really can't be sure though.

Any input, tom?

Sharon J said...

I think you're wrong about Cameron and Moyet. I've been told by sources that wish to remain unrevealed that Moyet has been having an affair with Jimmy Osmond. It's common knowledge that she has a teddy bear fetish so this connection certainly seems feasible.

Vicus Scurra said...

Sharon, please desist from the tittle -tattle here. We do have standards. Unless it was David Cameron who had fetish and had an affair with Jimmy Osmond?

tom909 said...

Well, thankfully I am now in a position to clarify almost 100% all of the loose ends we have on this topic. I took a call this morning from Lulu concerning this thread and it does seem that she is indeed up for the position of President of Brazil, but as she pointed out to me, POB is in fact one of a less well known group of sexual contortions.
I'm stunned and embarrassed about my lack of this knowledge, and I have no hesitation in apologising for this. It is extremely unusual for me to be found wanting in this area, and I do accept that some people may question whether I can still be considered as 'fit for purpose' for my present post. I can and will always do my best for the people of this great nation.

Mark Gamon said...

Tits.

That's all I have to say.

Richard said...

I really did try and start this comment thread off on the right foot by not mentioning Lulu's fine for her age baps but it appears my observation went way over everybody's heads.

Vicus Scurra said...

Richard, we are not at home to Mrs Subtle.

Richard said...

Vicus, of all the people on here I thought you would have understood. The others, well, they have their reawsons.

Pamela said...

True.

I'd like to point out that most of the people commenting on this poor woman's mammary glands are male.

That is all.

Frontier Editor said...

As the punch line to told joke says, that wasn't a woman, that was Lulu.

Or was it "that was no flute, that was my fife?"

I get confused on Fridays.

Frontier Editor said...

"to the old joke," not "to told joke"


hellllpppp meeeeeee (imagine Vincent Price with his bits in a vise)

raincoaster said...

That is how I always imagine him, actually.

Dyna Girl said...

Who the fuck is LuLu?

Frontier Editor said...

Why, Dyna, she's the Nigerian Football Association Chairman, Brazilian president, past Eurovision song contestant and reportedly spectacularly-breasted Glaswegian songstress who kept Sidney Poitier from switching into a radio engineering career with Phillips or Pye in the late 1960's.

(how's that for a quick historical monograph, Vicus?)

tom909 said...

Absolutely spot-on old chap.
That Fronty, is why you are a successful journalist and I am a mere shit-shoveller.

Frontier Editor said...

I'm insulted Tom. I thought everyone else was showing rivulets of coherent thought whilst I shoveled shit.

Vicus Scurra said...

I arrived home this evening, and cast my eyes over all of the delightful comments here, and felt proud that, thanks to you all, this site is so far ahead of Wikipedia in its educational content.

First Nations said...

whoda thunkit when she was just a wee tiny thing warbling 'to sir with love'?
as the leader of my own nation i congratulate you, lulu. welcome.

Frontier Editor said...

Thank you Vicus. Now, who gets th etreatment next: Cilla Black, Dusty Springfield or Petula Clark?