Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Form an orderly queue for my autograph

You will understand if I am unable to continue our relationship. I am now moving in more exalted circles.

I have just received this:

Dear Mr Scurra

I very much enjoyed your email to James Arbuthnot.

Yours sincerely

The Rt Hon Ann Widdecombe MP

45 comments:

Betty said...

... probably best to delete the description of her that you left in the comment of your previous post, isn't it?

Vicus Scurra said...

No. I sent her a polite and sincere thank you for her email, but she ain't gonna change me. It is important at the beginning of a relationship to lay down some rules of engagement.

Dave said...

Well, I thought on Friday that she had no sense of humour. But any friend of yours...

Geoff said...

Sorry to disappoint you, but she only wants you for your mind.

zoe said...

what sort of a relationship are you wanting to engage in with ms. widdecombe?

Rol Hirst said...

I expect to see your blog featured in the 'Tabloid Headline - Featured Publication' bit at the end of next week's HIGNFY, instead of Otter Fancier's Weekly.

*Then* I'll be impressed.

Vicus Scurra said...

Dave. Please complete that sentence.
Geoff. You may think that.
Zoe. Well, as I said to Betty, I am not going to allow her to browbeat me and then write a book about it.
Rol. Did you miss that episode?

KAZ said...

Perhaps you've finally met your match. She'll make you cut your hair, go to the gym and convert to Catholicism.

Vicus Scurra said...

Kaz, you have such a quaint view of the balance of power between the sexes.

The Birdwatcher said...

I hope we have not witnessed the birth of the Scurra Letters or e-mails. One Henry Root is enough please.

Vicus Scurra said...

Birdwatcher. The Root letters were frivolous in their intent. Perhaps you have forgotten that.

ziggi said...

What's she doing reading James' mail?

D'you think he's aware of this?

Richard said...

Is she going to sign your copy of the Celebrity Fat Club DVD?

ziggi said...

I've popped back to say that if you move both feet alternately and equally you will stop moving in circles.

Arabella said...

Or, Ziggi, you'll find you're doing the harlem shuffle. Neat!

Vicus Scurra said...

Ziggi. I suspect that Mr Arbuthnot is so in awe of her that he forwarded the correspondence. Let me make it quite clear that I did not begin the correspondence with her.
Richard. Your remarks are quite hurtful. I may not be the slim elegant figure that I once was, but I do have feelings you know.
Ziggi. Moving in circles. I geddit. Very droll.
Arabella! Welcome back. Do you have famous people in Austin?

homo escapeons said...

La-di-frickin-da!

By now the strategists at Opus Dei are giddy with relief and the coporally mortificated albino assassin has been recalled.

Richard said...

Have you told Scaryduck that you've had a 100% of real email from Ann Noreen Widdicombe yet? I'm sure he'll be very jealous.

Vicus Scurra said...

I have now.

Scaryduck said...

Jealous? Me?

mumblemumblemumble

Boz said...

She's only after you for her undercover documentary series The woman has her own credit sequence! Beware, Vicus, beware...

Richard said...

She was on local telly this evening being "arrested" for a charity event. As she was carted away, the copper sitting beside her in the car was asked if she was behaving herself. "She's not exactly a 'model' prisoner" was his reply, accompanied by an expression that wasn't really meant for the camera. Priceless.

homo escapeons said...

Rt Hon Ann Widdecombe MP:
"What's that Protestant doin' on the telly?"

Pope #256 John Ratzenberger:
"Standing."

Widdecombe:
"I can see that! I didn't mean what was on the television set, I meant what programme?"

Foilwoman said...

Why are loathsome British politicians so much more amusing that loathsome U.S. politicians? I mean, I live right outside of Washington, DC, and the whole administration is a bunch of retarded loathsome loons, and none of them could manage to be mildly amusing even if their scabrous offspring were threatened with waterboarding if I didn't laugh. I may loathe the Rt. Hon. Anne Widdecombe or whoever (not that I would know) but I am amused. I have never felt that way about the commander in chief of my fair land (even when he was wearing that flight suit which was pretty darn ridiculous). You don't know how lucky you are.

If I ever find anyone who wants your autograph, btw, I'll join the queue. Until them, etc. etc. blah blah blah, yrs. v. v. affectionately and all that.

Adam said...

No, no Foilwoman. Bush is amusing all of the time! However, it's never done intentionally. You've clearly forgotten the time when he was tricked by the fake door. Which of course was made fun of endlessly.

His facial expression during that incident is easily one of the most priceless of his presidency.

Also, everyone go read my blog. Because it's actually funny right now.

Lin said...

All of Topanga joins me in expressing our absolute pride in, um, you know, your strength of character and stuff. You reallyk know how to take a stand on issues Vic.

I, like the view said...

*queueing orderly as instructed*

(I always appreciate being informed of the rules of engagement when beginning a relationship)

:-)

ziggi said...

You're just embarrassing me now - post something else please

Love and Kisses
Your Ann
xxx

ziggi said...

now isn't that crap - I sign on as Ann and it puts my name - I even filled in the nickname bit - there's no fooling you is there - and now I've messed up you perfect comments.

Rt Hon Anne Noreen Widdicombe MP. said...

If this doesn't work, then my name's not Anne Noreen Widdecombe

Vicus Scurra said...

Not bad, Ziggi, but you did not use the special name she has for me.

Rt Hon Anne Noreen Widdicombe MP. said...

And I know he looks like he's auditioning for a dodgy Cream tribute band but he's mine, so fingers off. A girl can only hope.

Rt Hon Anne Noreen Widdicombe MP. said...

Ooh, not Ziggi.

Rt Hon Anne Noreen Widdecombe MP. said...

Bollocks, I've been spelling me name wrong.

Rt Hon Anne Noreen Widdecombe MP. said...

Fuck me, I should have stayed off the absinthe

Vicus Scurra said...

And it is "Ann" without an e.
You drunken trollope.

Rt Hon Bad Ann Noreen Widdecombe MP. said...

Just you wait until that drippy gobshite Brown loses his bottle and I'm out the door. I wanted the Chiltern Hundreds but the fuckers in Maidstone wouldn't let me. Anne, Ann, Growbag Annie, none of that shit anymore. I'm phat and phiphty plus lotz. None of that religious stuff anymore either. I'm baaad. Oh my head...

I, like the view said...

*still queueing patiently*

:-)

Dave said...

You can't live off your past glories forever you know. Come on, time for a new post.

homo escapeons said...

((rrring))

((rrring))

((rrring))

"Where the hell could he be?"

((rrring))

"Oh for fu..."

click

fathorse said...

GASP!

I just laughed so much I knocked my cup of tea over.

I'll be coming here again, that's for sure!

tom909 said...

OK Vicus, I've just had Aunty Ann on the phone imploring me to use what little influence I may have, to ask you to be just a little more discreet about certain areas of your life.
Just a little advice from a good friend here Vicus - you're gonna lose her if you're not a little more careful.

Dave said...

Noticing surnames on Facebook, I did wonder if Tom might be related.

Anyway, enough of this nonsense. About time for a fresh post, I think, Mr Scurra.

I, like the view said...

*queueing patiently; possibly waiting for someone with a sprig of mistletoe to appear in the meantime, but then again possibly not*

;-)

I, like the view said...

oh! it's only just occurred to me - you haven't gone off to the "more exalted circles" now, have you vicus?

*sobs*