Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Tom! Did you give this guy some acid when you were in the States?

While some of my correspondents agonise about their physical defects, I am pleased to note that the Telegraph on line has managed to come down on my side of the “Physicists: twats or what?” debate.

Once you have carefully examined the birthday photograph album of Charles, who has reached the age of 59 without once having a clue about what the fuck was going on, and, by the way, don’t be shocked by the startling news that he once visited New Zealand and once had a beard, as far as I can tell he did not have the beard when he visited New Zealand, that would be too fucking exciting, wouldn’t it? I mean, I had a beard once, (it was hardly worthy of the name, being light in colour and very sparse), but I would not have dared take it to New Zealand. There are limits which one should not exceed, and I pride myself on having a very clear understanding of them. You can find the Charles pictures by typing “twat in a kilt” into any reputable search engine.

Apologies, I got a bit over excited there. What I meant to construct was:
Once you have carefully examined the birthday photograph album of Charles, who has reached the age of 59 without once having a clue about what the fuck was going on, you can read all about the exciting research done by Garrett Lisi (this one has lots of anagrams “girlie tarts”, “is larger tit”, “girl arse tit”), who has done some careful experiments in sub atomic physics while surfing on Lake Tahoe. Mr Lisi has a doctorate (the subject is not specified), and is not possessed of a surplus of hair, but appears to be some sort of hippyish figure who has had a major realisation after his third tab of mescaline since he last slept. Imagine Neil from the Young Ones “Hey, guys, listen, no listen, I’ve just had this really cool idea about the theory of everything, right.” Or in Gazza’s own words:

"My brain exploded with the implications and the beauty of the thing," he tells New Scientist. "I thought: 'Holy crap, that's it!'"

Very much the reaction of the Buddha when he attained enlightenment, except he probably thought it in Pali or Sanskrit.

Even the normally sober correspondent of the Telegraph finds words difficult to manage:
E8 encapsulates the symmetries of a geometric object that is 57-dimensional and is itself is 248-dimensional.

There is a lesson here, be careful about reading this stuff, you might start talking bollocks any minute. Only strict discipline has sustained the clarity of my writing.

I have enclosed a picture of E8. Those of you familiar with the effects of ingesting lysergic acid diethylamide or its cousins will begin to understand the processes that Garrett has undergone.

All of this, if it is accepted by our deluded friends in the scientific community, will disprove “string theory”, as being too complicated. If they had paid more attention to this blog they would already know that. See my appraisal of string theory in a previous posting.


Mr Lisi goes on to say:
"I think our universe is this beautiful shape."

Yes, Mr Lisi. Never mind the fucking shape, the universe is beautiful, and if these silly fuckers stopped trying to explain it and started to experience it, then not only would our children not have to sit through arse numbingly boring physics lessons, but there might be a tad more happiness in the world.

PS - you'll like this one, it only just occurred to me as I was passing on the good news to my fellow villagers on the Kingsblog. E8, as in "E8 too many fucking mushrooms".


Barbara said...

Maybe LSD - that picture's very evocative (alright, trippy) - but maybe he just has a second-generation Spirograph?

Pamela said...

vicus, vicus, vicus....

Remind me to bring you some soap darlin'....

Whitesnake said...

I stand and applaud your post!

What the fuck has NZ got to do with anything?

Vicus Scurra said...

Barbara. Welcome. Is this your first comment here? Are you Barbara Bush? Are you familiar with hallucinogenic drugs? If yes to all three, then you have made me very happy.
Pam. You know you love it.
Whitesnake. NZ has very little to do with anything, but don't tell the natives that. The Telegraph thought that Prince Charles visit there was worthy of note, so who are we to argue?

Dave said...

I have never been to NZ. I suppose this will make my obituary even shorter, come the day when it needs to be written.

Pamela said...

I've still got a bar of soap with your name on it. Don't be surprised when I show up one day to visit you and Tommy and give it to you. :)

homo escapeons said...

Even Angels fear to tread into the "Physicists:twats or what?" debate. Which is silly, because we all know that McPhysics is the zenith of twattage.

I believe that it was Paris Piltdown, the Famous American Sage du jour, who once said,
"String Theory? HA! I could have pulled a better idea out of my ass."

The mob cries out for the return of the Alchemists and their folksy explanation of the Universe and all of the Magical Whatnot that holds it together.

Arabella said...

So the reason I'm so crap at crocheting doilies is because I don't take (enough) drugs? You have saved me a fortune in 'how to knit' manuals.

Rol Hirst said...

Wow, dude, that's like, heavy.

ziggi said...

I always wanted a spirograph, I'd have probably won a Nobel prize by now if Santa had only delivered on his promise.

Richard said...

Too late for a spirograph joke.

Anyway, I did do as I was told and googled "twat in a kilt". Bugger me, you've researched this well, haven't you.

Richard said...

Oh, and I also got this picture.

homo escapeons said...

We could rescue our Civilization from the brink by simply replacing the poncy Fluoride in our water with LSD.

Groovy Baby!

Vicus Scurra said...

Dave. Your obituary is already written: "He was East, now he's gone west".
Pamela, what is it with you and the soap fetish, really, darling, try to get some help.
HE. I love you.
Arabella. The production of acceptable doilies is not worth the deplorable misery of a life addicted to narcotics. Look at poor old Pamela.
Rol. The usage you are looking for is "far out, too fucking much". And "man" never "dude". You will never graduate to the big school at this rate.
Ziggi, we don't blame our shortcomings on others, do we?
Richard. As you well know, I did no research. That is a very good impersonation that you do, though - who is the woman?
HE. I still love you.

Richard said...

I don't know. The picture name was "demure". That could be a clue.

Anonymous said...

HA! I was just at a freind's house and we was all about string theory. I had never heard of it before...

I saw that picture for a year after my first Dead show.

tom909 said...

Oh my, you've really got me kicking off with this one Vicus. It really pisses me off that 40 years after we worked all this out, these twats come along and call it a string theory...and even more annoying, what the fuck difference does it make anyway.
No-one scientist ever, including my chemistry teacher who I made cry by asking her what the hell relevance to me was all this plus's and minus's stuff, has ever managed to explain why breath comes into and out of our bodies. String theory my arse.
Or were you saying the guy has disproved it. If you were, well the above still applies.
PS, and Pammy, I'm gonna swear and swear and make you come over here with your soap, then I'm gonna charm you so much, that you just go, awwwwwwww, he's so sweet he can swear all he wants, and btw, stop getting so keen on Vicus, he's a bad man!

Vicus Scurra said...

Tom. The fuckers don't prove or disprove anything, they just come up with theories. This latest one seems more harmless than most. And we all know how you really made the chemistry teacher cry.
Pam. Make sure the soap is organic and devoid of animal products. You will need a fucking lot of it for Tom.

I, like the view said...

I can finally die a happy woman and go to heaven/hell/wherever/come back as a bar of organic soap/etc


(the Hawkins Bazaar people sell a pen that creates Spirograph-type doodles for anyone who missed out)(they also sell Karma Sutra cookie cutters, in case anyone has missed out on those)(I won't bore you with my thoughts on string theory, thought I'd bore you with xmas shopping list details instead)

Pamela said...

I'm bringing a case of soap for the lot of you.

And then we're all gonna get sudsy! Wheeeeeeee!

See what a bad influence you are on me?

ziggi said...

'we' Sid? Was I asleep when we were blaming others for out shortcomings? I don't remember us doing anything.

Reg Pither said...

Bloody Hell! You 'aven't 'arf started it! It's all kicking off on Kindness of Strangers and now it's spread to Happy Hour with Dyna Girl.....and all because of you and your big mouth!
I bet you've never been in a fight, have you? You've just seen thousands.

Vicus Scurra said...

Reg. I didn't start it, you did, you invaded Poland. I notice with pride your efforts to calm them all down.

Lin said...

I have been to NZ, I have organic soap, my kids had a spirograph... string theory, yeah I've heard about that. I'm having trouble finding that picture of Chuck, though.

Vicus Scurra said...

Yes Lin, it is a shame that our talented and lovely royals do not have more exposure.

Murph said...

Once had a beard? Is that an old pic on your avatar then Vicus?