Monday, November 05, 2007

Phew! It's mild in Surrey

There have been laments and expressions of disappointments over at Tom’s journal now that he has returned from his adventure, because it is anticipated that his excellent travel log has ended. This is indeed the case. Unless he has been smitten by the thrill of travel, the next twelve months are unlikely to see him venture further than Moretonhampstead to stock up on his organic corn flour.

Perhaps I, in my humble way, might attempt to fill a tiny percentage of the gap that has been left on the internet. I do not claim to have the insights and mastery of prose that Tom has, but there is a need and who am I to shirk my duty?

This morning I crossed the county boundary into Surrey. I know that there are many of you out there (aMToNW) who can only dream of visiting Surrey, but this is not an idle boast, and in fact I have been there so many times that it almost seems commonplace. I have found the inhabitants to be generally friendly – not dissimilar to you and I, and the customs and lifestyle quite easy to relate to. In coming weeks, should this item prove popular, I may be able to describe, in an objective and anthropological way, such happenings as entertainment - the car boot sale in Crawley, the cuisine – as available at “Ye Olde Tea Shoppe” in Dorking, and glimpses of their quaint ways – a journey into the zany world of shopping at “Toys R Us” in Woking.

Coming back into Hampshire, one is reminded of why those of us lucky enough to live here rarely find it necessary to leave for entertainment. Within a couple of miles of passing the county checkpoint, one is reminded that one is in “Jane Austen Country”, there is the internationally renowned “Bird World”, and the Forestry Commission Research Station at Alice Holt. A giddy mix of culture, nature and science.

The reminder that we are in Jane Austen Country is for the benefit of visitors from Surrey. You need not be reminded, I am sure, that Surrey borders on London, and the inhabitants are therefore in danger of picking up the sloppy English usage prevalent in that place. The sign is therefore a warning that estuarisation will not be tolerated, and that dangling modifiers should be left at home. Jane is seldom seen in public these days. The rumour is that she is being shagged senseless by one of those drippy middle class morons who are the models for most of her characters.

17 comments:

Geoff said...

I'm glad Sussex has disowned Crawley.

I lived for a year in Mitcham, Surrey. It was even less Surrey than where we live now is Kent.

To emulate Tom you really need to get saddled up. Aren't there any nice New Forest ponies that have taken your eye?

Arabella said...

Does Surrey have Surbiton? I hope so. For reasons too disturbing to go into here, I used to visit Surbiton; the experience made me want to not only buy but sell copies of The Socialist Worker.
And Thomas Hardy lived there. Oh how I laughed!

ziggi said...

I have a 'nice' New Forest pony that'll take your eye and anything else you care to leave lying about. Yours for the price of new (Surrey type)4 x 4 - I do have a school run to do everyday after all.

Geoff said...

"caught" your eye.

There's me trying to be a pedant...

Richard said...

Re sloppy English. Do you want me to point it out to you now? If you do, it will mean that you will have to leave the cock-up in otherwise the explanatory comment will be rendered pointless.

I've been to Dorking.

Vicus Scurra said...

Geoff. Thank you so much for your correction. Sod off.
Arabella. Surbiton is officially in Surrey, but as there is not a tree between it and Harrods, then it really should be counted as part of London.
Ziggi. I am a vegetarian, but thanks.
Richard. No. Sod off.

Dyna Girl said...

I only dream I can witness such diversity. One day, perhaps, one day...

homo escapeons said...

I would have spent most of the day in the tea shoppe with the other Dorks.

Dave said...

I assume you politely asked Richard not to point out your use of sloppy English because you didn't want to deny me the chance to point out the superfluous 'of' in the phrase 'one is reminded of why those...'.

Vicus Scurra said...

Dave. No. Sod off.

Richard said...

Dave, you go ahead. I won't tell him about the even more obvious one.

Whitesnake said...

Don't ya just love it when a trip goes so well?

Dave said...

Yes Richard, you're quite right. It is a very shoddy piece of work, isn't it? You'd hardly believe he lives in Jane Austen Country.

MJ said...

Here in Canuckistan, Surrey borders on Vancouver.

Surrey, amongst other nefarious claims to fame, is the car theft capital of North America.

I, like the view said...

Crawley, Dorking, Woking

*shudders*

you'll be working your way up to Croydon soon

Richard said...

Dave, he's changed the one I spotted so I won't tell anyone about it now. I'll give him two more comments before he tells one of us to go away again.

ziggi said...

Freddie is also a vegetarian - spooky!

And, I never saw any mistakes.

It's such fun here and educational, it's almost as good as Tom's.