Wednesday, December 24, 2008

You don't get to be head of state unless you are good at sums in the UK.

I was just about to go to bed after a long and tiring day, when, checking the latest news on the BBC website I saw the uplifting headline: "Queen's speech addresses downturn". My heart leapt with joy. Just when we thought that there was no end in sight, along comes Liz with an answer.
I expect you're feeling very silly indeed now, aren't you Gordon Brown? With all your fancy advisers and financial experts, who have done bugger all, and then along comes a doddery octogenarian throwback with a posh frock, a damn silly hat and a voice that sounds like a gibbon having its testicles passed through a mangle, and solves the whole bloody lot in 15 minutes.

25 comments:

Tim Footman said...

But have you actually read the script?

"Et this time of year, it must be especially annoying to be a poor. Probably.

Heppy Christmas."

moreidlethoughts said...

Hah! Tim nailed it!

But I really popped over to tell you (I know you'll be rapt!)that some of us have found a use for the word verification gibberish. My blog has more.Informatiion, that is;I don't mean to presume that, like Her Majesty I have the lion's share.Or, as in her case, the lions' share.

zIggI said...

and "let them eat cake"

KAZ said...

No - this is the Queen's address to the servants. She will be discussing the turning down of the royal counterpane.
Happy Christmas Vicus!

Vicus Scurra said...

I think that you are all being horrid. It behoves us all, at this time of year, to look for the good in all people. When I read that she is addressing an issue, I take it to mean more than the literal giving attention to, but to solving it. After all, the head of state would hardly take up our time with idle prattling about important topics would she? Let us be clear. When the queen speaks, she knows what she is talking about. We would be very foolish not to cherish her words.
I hope that you are all very contrite. In the spirit of christmas I forgive you.

Debster said...

Well at least somebody has got the answers. And she knows which knife and fork to use.

Vicus Scurra said...

Debster, you are just as naughty as the others, and I suspect that you are trying to goad me.
I seldom use a knife during mealtimes, it not being my habit to cut the rotting carcasses of slaughtered animals.
As to which fork is the "right" one, ANYONE I BLOODY LIKE. Usually the nearest. Didn't you read my letter to the Telegraph for pity's sake? I sometimes think that people take no notice of me.

Rol said...

I love how she runs the script by you before she reads it to the rest of the nation.

Vicus Scurra said...

Rol, yes, it is one of the many duties I perform each year, and for which I humbly expect no recognition. It is an important task, however. Were it not for my vigilance, the discourse would be littered with references to "oiks", "darkies" and "plebs". I have corrected her about Mexico being part of the Commonwealth, prevented her from referring to the First Lord of the Treasury as "old one-eyed mardy arsed twat" and insisted that she not tell the anecdote about the Duke of Kent and the sponge pudding, among many other improvements.

Clarissa said...

like a gibbon having its testicles passed through a mangle

At first I read 'marriage' instead of 'mangle'.

She'll be tackling Zimbabwe next.

Vicus Scurra said...

Clarissa! Welcome. Always room for one more loony in this little asylum. Have you met everyone? Can I get you anything - don't be shy we are all friends here. Even Zoe.

Boz said...

Turning down the royal thermostat? Auctioning off Prince Philip? Invading France?

Oh delightful pondering..

Geoff said...

Isn't it about supply and demand economics?

She supplies us with her family. We demand that they keep their mouths shut.

Richard said...

I don't know what to make of it all, I really don't. I come here for enlightenment but now my head just hurts. That might be the pills though.

I, Like The View said...

noone mentioned her tiaras!

I, Like The View said...

(oh, and I just have to point this out - you complain about my spot of cyber space being "like" an episode of daytime tv, yet here you are actually discussing daytime tv on yours)

word ver: foolishly

Betty said...

If she's run the Christmas Day speech by you, why is it that you haven't shared any of her insights into solving the economic crisis with us, your loyal and obedient readership?

Vicus Scurra said...

There still seems to be an overabundance of hostility here this morning. Have you all been eating your prunes?
Betty. She got the idea from you, don't you remember?

MJ said...

Merry Christmas, sexy.

Murph said...

Rule Brittania! And the Alliance and Leicester. Northern Rock is a grittier form of Northern Soul.

I, Like The View said...

love, peace and plenty of lentils, dear Vicus

I hope you enjoy the aspects of the mid-winter pagan festive season. . .

. . .nut roast perhaps?!

XXXXX I,♥TV

(that so doesn't look right - the only reason I'm doing this is because there is nothing on the televisual box)(well, that's not quite right either - I'm doing this to send you love peace and lentils)(I'll stop now)(doing this)(but not sending the love peace and lentils)(x)

Donn Coppens said...

My Word!
As Her Majesty's most loyal Colonial subject I am both shocked and saddened that so many chose to make light of her impressive grasp of post-modern Economics.

For gawdsake the poor woman has already volunteered to pay taxes?! I am fairly certain that when she pulled Excalibur from the stone that she had no idea how thankless it would be to govern such an ungrateful lot of rabble-rousers.

We are all well aware that Merlin and Dumbledore have worked miracles in tutoring HRH on the finer points of Keynsian economics. Her natural inclination to daydream during the 5 hours a day that lucidity prevails and her genetic propensity to guzzle Gin and chase Corgis round the parlor make all this money-talk a horrid and frightful endeavour for a woman of her stature.

Hopefully this baffling cynicism will dissipate and her detractors will get on board with some of her ingenious public projects which were specifically designed to benefit every man, woman, and child in the Magical Kingdom.

Let us pray that a return to the Gold Standard and the re-colonisation of the other 200 so-called Nations of the world move forward without a hitch. Perhaps once the tribute starts pouring into the Royal Coffers then all the naysayers will be forced to publically eat their hats during the London Olympics in 2012.

Pamela said...

merry christmas dear vicus! Thank you for being my friend and giving me much amusement over the past year.

Dave said...

I found an internets cable here at S*ndr*ngh*m. Happy Day, good and loyal subject.

Donn Coppens said...

and Merry Christmas!