Monday, April 20, 2009

The hanging baskets of Surbiton

In an attempt to beat some life into this apparently slowly dying blog, I thought I would encourage some audience participation. If there is still anyone out there who could be bothered to check whether there has been an annual update.

Anyway, I have a very dear friend, who, like the majority of you, I have never met. A few days ago she posted a little item on facebook to the effect that one of the things that she wanted to do before leaving these islands to return home was to see “Stone Hedge”.

This may be a typo, a misapprehension of stunning proportions or some witty use of the language. As she comes from the same state as Adam, any of those could be possible, although the third would probably be a tad unlikely. When I say “state” I mean geo-political entity, rather than some bizarre consciousness that is a fusion of unfortunate genetics and unfortunater narcotics.

The main target of this information was initially unwilling to join in, so I pointed out that Stone Hedge was roughly midway between the Towel of London and the Severn Fridge.

Now it’s your turn. Which tourist attractions would you recommend to visitors? Points will be awarded for adhering to the precedent of mundane household and garden objects, for silliness and for being bothered to take part. Perhaps we could all meet at the most dull sounding attraction this summer?

I’ve already had my say about Stonehenge, several times. If any of you would like to see Stone Hedges, we have them in North East Hampshire. Round these parts we call them, somewhat quaintly, “walls”.


Ellen said...

I'm planning a New York trip and can't wait to visit the Googleheim. I will be back and try harder, but I'm claiming that Leaning Pizza towel too before anyone else does.

Kindness said...

I would love to see Deadwood in the Black Hills of So. Dakota. As we speak the only dead wood I see is the white lumps on the pillow-top mattress in the room across the hall. Perhaps the blue pills will be the next stop.

Rog said...

I believe the Tight Gallery in London has a wonderful Season of ladies under garments at the moment.

I missed Stone Hedge when we went past - I think it was closed for a privet function.

Dave said...

I believe the Pyramids of Geezer are somewhere in East London.

Boz said...

London Bridget.
Beg Bin.
The regency city of Shower.
Boil Tunbridge Smells.

I'm just wittering now..

I, Like The View said...

The London, I


Vicus Scurra said...

Yes, you are all getting the hang of it nicely.
I suggest we meet up at St. Paul's Cafeteria, or perhaps you fancy a trip to Inveraray to see if we can spot the Loch Ness Mazda? Perhaps we could have a go on the London Iron? (If you are not too pressed for time, geddit?)

Rog said...

Now you've spoiled it by mentioning Peter Mandelson.

*gets coat*

Vicus Scurra said...

ILTV, we appeared to be sharing a thought. On the whole, you are welcome to it.
I am ashamed to admit that I did understand Rog's reference.

KAZ said...

Nope - can't just think of one at the moment. I was concentrating on household items.
There's a lawnmower museum at Southport which doesn't really need altering does it?

Richard said...

Stone Hedge? You can get to it on the Salisbury plane. When you've done there you can turn south and visit the Nude Forest, not forgetting of course, Buckler's Hard. Some places are fine as they are.

Not celebrating today?

Vicus Scurra said...

Kaz. Please try harder.
Richard. Celebrating? I know that today is Andie McDowell's birthday, but we don't see each other socially, despite being look-alikes. We hang out occasionally at first nights and so on, just to confuse people, but other than that we don't exchange gifts.

Geoff said...

I quite like the Anger Of The North, the Tat Modern, Manchester's Lorry Centre and Madame Two Swords.

MJ said...

The Cumberland Pencil Museum is having a demonstration of the ‘Versatility of Graphite’.

Rol said...

The Slight Quiffs of Dover.

Westminster Cabby.

York Spinster.

Richard said...

Yes, thought you would be up at the Palace getting your ear bent as Brian laments his mother notching up another year.

Vicus Scurra said...

Imperial Wart Museum?
Chessington world of advertisements?

Rol said...

Course, at your age there's probably blue dye over the Slight Quiffs of Dover....

Richard said...

The Towel of London. You can visit the Crowned Jews there.

Tomorrow is Shakespeare's birthday which I imagine will be celebrated heartily by Stratford up on Yvonne.

Ellen said...

Alright all you Brits. You need to stop being so regional. Us philistine members of the colonies can only follow half of these landmarks. All I know about England is that giant clock and your Queen's house, Buckaroo Palace.

Kopenjz said...

I have a burning desire in my bosom to view the seven wonders of the asiant world..I hope that those silly bastards haven't spoiled them.

#1 The collosal Ass of Cecil Rhodes..I think he invented dynamite.
#2 The statutes of zoos...those poor animals deserve better.
#3 The temple of Lady Diana's Esophagus..she did have a lovely voice.
#4 Some linoleum in Ari Onassis's bathroom...he had sperm whale foreskins on his bar stools too!
#5 The lighthoose of Alex & Andrea..lots and lots of stairs.
#6 The Sphinxter of Queen Nefarioustitties..not tonight I'm having my pyramid ((*cymbal crash))
and last but not least..
#7 The hanging garden hose of Baba Looey..who was Quick Draw McGraw's deputy and illegal alien gardner.

Kopenjz said...

btw Kindness I am going to Deadwood and the Black Hils this Summer!
Sorry to hear about your current flaccidity..might I suggest Le Weekender?