Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Educational television.

My friends at the Press Association carry an article that outlines how Tom and Jerry cartoons are to be edited to remove scenes in which the characters smoke.

My solution would be somewhat different. I would embellish the scenes, building up to a series in which Tom smokes at length, and develops lung cancer. The pictures could show his body slowly wasting away, while his hair falls out, his eyes glaze over and his knob drops off. He would be unable to chase Jerry for more than 10 yards before pausing for a lengthy wheeze. In my version, however, Tom would have the last (somewhat painful) laugh, as Jerry, so convulsed with hilarity at Tom’s predicament, would be rendered helpless, and captured by scientists. He would spend the remainder of his days in a small cage, forced to smoke Benson and Hedges, as his captors search for a cure for cancer.

18 comments:

tom909 said...

Top post Vicus. You obviously enjoyed your corn flakes this morning.

Pamela Troeppl said...

They're not really trying to do that, are they? Hmm. Well, if vicus says it, it must be true.

Vicus Scurra said...

here it is, Pamela

Dave said...

Well, Vicus, you obviously have a promising career as a comedy writer. I can see kids all over the world rolling around colvulsed at the antics of your characters.

Vicus Scurra said...

Yes, Dave, and you should hear my ideas for Harry Potter.

Dyna Girl said...

Benson and Hedges, like my Mom smokes, huh? I think the gold wrapper makes her think it's classy. Remind me to tell you about the cigaretts, football player, slut sister, mother story...

Carmenzta said...

Vicus, Brilliant!!!

Dyna, I'm waiting eagerly for that post!

jromer said...

i want to hear you ideas for harry potter, oh and that smoking cartoon idea you dreamt up sounds like an episode from the itchy and scratchy show from the simpsons

Richard said...

I am starting a petition to ban frying pans and steam irons from all domestic situations forthwith.

Geoff said...

"It's political correctness gone mad."

I never thought I'd hear that said on the news again.

raincoaster said...

"The Plague Dogs: The Musical!" coming soon from Vicus Productions!

tom909 said...

Then of course we can have a little series set in the future where all the kids have asthma, and it's so fucking hot in summer all the trees die. That should get the little buggers thinking.

Richard said...

I seem to have got myself unwittingly embroiled in a side issue regarding passive smoking over here.They all seem to think I'm some kind of interfering busybody do-gooder wanker. Somebody go and set the record straight aboutn the first part of that description. Careful now.

Frontier Editor said...

I can't wait to hear and see what you might have planned for "Watership Down"

Richard said...

I believe it could be a Noh version.

raincoaster said...

I believe it could be stone tablets from the hand of god and people would still say "oh, but he didn't mean THIS!"

realdoc said...

I'm sure that was on Itchy and scratchy jromer

Kyahgirl said...

Brilliant and macabre Vicus.


Not to change the subject or anything but you have seen any indications that our dear Caroline is still alive? I keep hoping she will re-appear somewhere but never see her. I hope she hasn't been captured and hooked up to a smoking machine or anything so gruesome.