Monday, August 21, 2006

We now have the situation where democracy prevails on airline flights. My friends at the BBC carry a story about two men of - wait for it - middle eastern extraction, who were removed from a flight to England because other passengers complained about them. It appears that they were speaking in a foreign language: "probably Arabic".

I will be forgoing this particular privilege. I will not be delaying any air travel by several hours while sweaty airline staff rummage through luggage, knicker sniffing on the way just because I don't like the look of one of my fellow passengers.

I very seldom like the look of my fellow passengers. That goes for humanity in general, although I am much too considerate to point this out to them.

Let me tell you now, I have travelled on an aeroplane that also contained Geoffrey Howe. Did I protest that the sound of this man's voice was likely to cause the pilots to doze off? Of course not.

On another occasion, one of my fellow passengers was Desmond Llewellyn, the original 'Q' (where is Pavlov to tell me that there was actually an earlier 'Q'?). Yes, I flew across the Atlantic with the world's leading expert in the design of concealed weapons. It never even occurred to me to risk delaying my flight by drawing this security risk to the attention of the air crew.

24 comments:

zoe said...

i would definitely refuse to get on a plane should you be on it as well. it would be a flight made up entirely of sexist remarks, squabbling over which meal to have and heavens knows what else.

i'd much rather stay at home.

Vicus Scurra said...

How nice to hear from you, Zoe. That was quite funny, for a girl. I will make sure to apprise you of my travel arrangements, so that you can be prepared. Not that Belgium is likely to feature highly on my list of selected destinations.
Now, I hope you all noticed how kind I was to Zoe there. No mention of the fact that she is banned from travelling on all European airlines, because the sound of her high-pitched, screeching, nagging voice makes the pilots think that one of the engines has developed a fault.

raincoaster said...

Check this out. They're throwing Canadian doctors off American flights, and the excuse? "He was praying." And off-white.

But look at that picture; the only place I'd like to detain him is in my apartment!

tom909 said...

All this worry about flying - you shouldn't be flying anyway whatever colour you are. One single person's share of co2 from a flight to Australia equals the total for powering five average sized UK homes for a whole year.
So stop fucking doing it, unless you have some good reason - and I mean good reason, not a poxy holiday or being a poxy politician! By the way I'm really angry today!

Vicus Scurra said...

Tom, why don't you turn your fucking computer off if you're so fucking concerned about the fucking environment. And all that anger is contributing more to global warming than the 130kilowatt air conditioning I have just installed.
What has made you angry, sweetie?

Richard said...

Tom, will you allow my mum and dad to fly to Australia to celebrate their golden wedding in a month? They will be seeing friends and relatives as well so it's not all frivolity.

homo escapeons said...

Actually I would feel much safer knowing that Q was on the plane.

As for getting nervous if any young man started saying prayers on an airplane..HELLO!

I would feel equally alarmed if it happened to be some clean shaven white dude from Kansas wearing a Pat Robertson 'Who Would Jesus Assassinate' T-shirt.

Misanthropy is an equal opportunity endeavor.

ziggi said...

I'm all for it, I'd've had G Howe Esq thrown off in a blink of an eye.

tom909 said...

The orchestra plays on as the Titanic goes down. Take your pick guys.

Dyna Girl said...

They probably offered them pork.

Carmenzta said...

Vicus, may I ask if you had a GOOD REASON to visit Kansas City (MO, not KS) other than taking Mrs. Scurra on a second honeymoon? I don't make enough money to be able to jet anywhere so I'm ok. BTW, nice colors on your blog, very official-looking.

Even if I did have money I think I would be afraid to fly, and even if it wasn't scary it would certainly be a pita (Pain in the A**) what with not being able to bring moisturizers or perfume or stuff like that.

Shoot, they don't even serve a decent meal anymore or give out those cute socks.

Frontier Editor said...

Personally, I'm kind of enjoying the experience because it's a wonderful case study of this country's capacity for mass paranoia and know-nothingness.

Not to mention the wonderful, McCarthy-ist tales I can tell my grandchildren and sound like some doddering old socialist. In fact, the way my country is going, I may even become an honorary premature anti-fascist.

Vicus Scurra said...

Yes, Carmentza. I went to irritate the fuck out of that old misery guts Tom.
Not much of a challenge.

uraxec - committee to oversee the passing of water.

Kyahgirl said...

Hi Vicus-nice to see you've redecorated while I've been gone. This is a great post. Underlines the human condition quite well. We're doomed.

Vicus Scurra said...

Welcome back Kyahgirl, we have missed you. You are very kind, but this is just some quick template I was forced into displaying until blogger enable the 'buggering-up' feature again.
Did you fly low over Tom's house on your return from vacation?

Pamela Troeppl said...

Vicus, I guess I'll have to put off my poxy vacation to England next year,

(Is 'poxy' a British curse word?)

Pamela Troeppl said...

If so, I apologize.

Ok, not really.

Kyahgirl said...

No, I didn't do any flying. Not because I want to make tom happy and stop wasting resources or anything...I spent a billion dollars in gasoline driving around Alberta and Montana in a big truck, dragging our huge trailer behind us. Tom will be pissed off at me!!

Betty said...

A family wasn't allowed to go on the London Eye recently because one of them started talking "in a foreign language, probably Arabic".

Are tourists allowed to visit tourist attractions any more?

raincoaster said...

Look, I'm all for thowing people off planes if you don't like them. In my opinion, defenestration and "high-altitude de-planing" are options that are entirely underutilized in our contemporary culture.

But.

One must be practical. When someone is praying, particularly when someone is praying on an airplane, it's a good idea not to disturb them. Peter C. Newman has an anecdote about some toff and his high-strung wife flying in the same plane as the (what's the term? Archbishop? Does Canada have one of those?) anyway, the heap big mucky-muck in charge of the Anglican church of Canada. The plane entered turbulence. The priest began to pray. The wife began to whine, and wanted to go up and ask the priest to pray for her and her husband. Her husband very sensibly pushed her back in her seat and said "Look honey, what's good for him is good for us. Let the man finish."

tom909 said...

Talking arabic is ok - as far as I know it creates as much CO" as any other language.
I'm not quite so angry this morning but I probably will be in a minute, the way things are going!

Sharon J said...

If I fly to Norway to visit my daughter, is that good enough reason? Or should I drive to Newcastle, take the ferry to Bergen and then drive across the mountains for seven hours? I guess the second alternative is better for the environment but I'd be so knackered by the time I got there that I wouldn't be able to enjoy spending any time with her. Those mountain roads aren't always easy to negotiate either, so I could quite easily drive over the side and disappear forever, which would really put a spanner in the works as far as a holiday is concerned.

Vicus Scurra said...

I wish people would stop deferring to Tom's prejudices. You do not need his permission to go where you like.

tom909 said...

Let's not get all touchy about our holidays. All I am saying is that maybe we, as a species, need to start considering things like this a bit more. It's all very well sounding off about everything that is wrong, which is what I am prone to do, and then not do sod all to put my little bit of the problem right.
Check out your carbon footprint and see if you can improve it, is all I'm saying. It'll probably be irrelevant anyway in a few years time - I have this kind of feeling that the only thing that will stop us using oil is when it runs out.