Saturday, August 12, 2006

Thank you, Theodore and Evadne

Another in the occasional series about the strange requests of search engines that result in visits to my page.

Kaliyuga anthem
This took me rather by surprise. What can anyone suggest as a suitable tune that sums up the age in which we find ourselves? My first thoughts were something absolutely fucking awful like “Congratulations” or “Mull of Kintyre”. We could fill hundreds of comments with suggestions about music that epitomised the craziness of these times in which we live. (Thank God that Mark is on holiday). I would suggest it would have to be something, like my two initial suggestions, that showed complete ignorance of the lack of sanity around us.

The following usual suspects I have altered slightly to prevent further recurrences:
How to make tipple nassels.
Barah Seeny
Hick Meathcote.
fublic pefecation
"all doi ng very well" are you b eing se rved
Tit mus ru
Holdie Gawns arse
"an unsol icited fin ger in the an us, while crude, is not criminal".
do gging sites
Christchurch
middle aged sha gging

Usually there would be some reference to Raula Padcliffe as well.

Tom Graveney family.
Please do not trouble the greatest living Englishman with needless impertinent questions about his private life.

my.home.page sex fuck my.photo
This one came from Russia. Well, young Sergei or Alexandre, I can assure you that there will not be any pictures of my indulging in intimate acts on these pages, despite the constant requests from gorgeous young blond boys such as yourself.

beach bath Val alta PICTURE
This is a follow up to my posting about the unfortunate gentleman with testicular bench related problems. My innocent attempts to offer him words of kindness have resulted in my being visited by those curious to find illustrations from a Balkan naturist resort. I shall redirected them all to Pamela.

how to get over someone missed opportunity
I see you also missed the opportunity to learn how to construct a sentence.

Malcolm Friend's email address in the United Kingdom
I am pleased you came here. I can help with this. It is the same fucking email address that he used when he was in Tierra del Fuego or wherever the fuck else he was last time you wrote to him.

things that happened march 26, 2005
Yes indeed. Someone here who has clearly understood the capabilities of the search engine. Adam, was it you? Try going to thingsthathappened.com. You will have to learn to be more specific about the sort of things you are curious about. Have you tried to use the word ‘sex’ in your query? That should narrow things down somewhat.

" purpose of the human race"
Congratulations! You have found your answer. Read on.

24 comments:

Pamela Troeppl said...

I was wondering how so many googlers got to my blog via yours. Now I know.

I owe you one vicus. Maybe more than one.

raincoaster said...

Kaliyuga anthem, eh...sounds like contest material to me. Better get printing up t-shirts as prizes immediately.

Can you direct young Sergei and his friend over to my blog? I have nothing against nekkid Russian blond boys.

Jaq said...

So 'always look on the bright side of life' is out then if you want complete ignorance (life's a piece of shit/when you look at it/life's a laugh/and death's a joke it's true) Hmn, got 'Firestarter' in my head now too but wait.... 'Mad poodles and Englishmen'? No, no, 'I will always love you' (Diana, yodelled by Whitney)? No, 'If you're not the one' by Ian Hislop, no 'The Birdy Song'? 'Oops upside your head'?

Oh I don't know, I never when prizes. 'How much is that poodle in the window'? I give up

Vicus Scurra said...

Jaq. There are no prizes here, other than the orgasmic delight of being part of it.

raincoaster said...

"The FCC Song?"

Dave said...

I come here for advice, you being a man of the world. Not to mention your readership.

Carmenzta has commented on my blog: 'You look very handsome and official-looking.'

In your opinion is this something I should worry about? Is she after something?

Vicus Scurra said...

Yes Dave, she is after something. She is after Pew from "Treasure Island" in the descending list of the most perspicacious inhabitants of the planet. The good news is that she is ahead of Mr Osbourne's bat.
I, on the other hand, think that you are truly astonishing.

kat said...

Coming here, Vicus, is like getting my brain sprayed with freon. Seeing as how I'm at work, and it works just as well as Ecstasy, only a lot cheaper, this is not a bad thing. It might constitute an environmental issue, however. Are you prepared to be identified as an environmental hazard?

Vicus Scurra said...

Kat. I cannot comment on whether your experience is like having your brain sprayed with freon. I have no experience of refrigerating my brain, nor of your normal mental state. The key word here is 'like'. I have not physically impregnated this page with chlorofluorocarbons, and so I pose no environmental hazard. On the contrary, I find that people visit here seeking refuge from the insanity of modern society.

kat said...

Indeed. That's what I meant :-) Personally I think a meeting between you, Bush and Blair would solve the entire problem. They'd come out twisted for life and we'd have a solution to the whole thing.

Jack said...

Kaliyuga Anthem ...

'Barbarian Horde' from the soundtrack of Gladiator.

suitable from many angles, if you'll pardon the expression.

Carmenzta said...

Vicus, I say something nice about Dave's picture and that constitutes me being after something? Would you let me know exactly what I'm after? It would be good to know.

And Dave, I meant absolutely no harm, it's just that uniforms on a guy affect me that way.

Goodness, you Brits are suspicious of everything!

xnduh - Part of Dubya's last State of the State address.

kat said...

And Vicus, by the way, your definition of your purpose would be considered an environmental hazard in the States. Can't have people actually getting a break from insanity, do you? They might actually find the wherewithall to do something about it and drown the bastards.

Dyna Girl said...

That cracks butchered sentence up me!

tom909 said...

Carmy, so if I get a job as a traffic warden, yeah?

Jaq said...

Vicus - that'll do for me!

Pamela Troeppl said...

Tommy dear...are you flirting with Carmy?

I may have to do something drastic...

Adam said...

"an unsol icited fin ger in the an us, while crude, is not criminal"

I believe I can take credit for that one being here. Remember when you had that picture of eh...either Bush or one of the Princes, and you said that the face he was making suggested that someone was sticking a finger in his butt? I then told you about the Fark cliche at the beginning of this post. It's also known as UFIA for short.

Zufttcin- New perscription medication for people addicted to Dr Seuss books.

Vicus Scurra said...

Adam, sweetie, of course it was you. Let us be clear though. It is the words that you were responsible for, not the action. We must wait until you come of age before we can consider acts of intimacy. I know. You will just have to be patient.
But seriously, how are you? Still testing condoms for Target? Has your new college year begun? Will they let you use a proper pencil this year, or are the crayons still compulsory?

raincoaster said...

Get a room, you two!

Mark Gamon said...

Kaliyuga Kronicles is the purpose of the human race?

My God. Things are weirder than I thought.

My vote for your anthem: Peaches en Regalia. It'll keep Tom happy. And unlike most anthems it has no lyrics, thus saving us fromthat sinking feeling should you ever become patron of a footie team at the World Cup.

Vicus Scurra said...

Welcome back, Mr G. God, how we've missed you. And a damn fine selection too. That one is now closed.

Malcolm Friend said...

The things you find when googling you r own name!

respectfully and and all emails for Malcolm Friend, can be forwarded to mfriend@msaa.com I am a real person formerly of the UK and cannot undrstand why you have received such email!

Respectfully

Malcolm Friend

Vicus Scurra said...

Malcolm. You are here at last! My God , what an agonising wait it has been!
We have such a lot to catch up on. I doubt, however, that you are a real person. None of the rest of us are.

msnzgogs - Microsoft proprietry version of "Strangers reunited".