Friday, August 11, 2006

I tuned in to my friends at BBC Radio 5 this morning to find that they were discussing the teaching of physics, a subject close to my heart, as regular readers (a Madame Curie of North Wales) will know.

They had unearthed some crazed harpy from a society (sorry – didn’t get the name) that was promoting the teaching of physics. I made a note to trace these people and bring about their downfall. Radio 5, being the democratic friend of the people that it is, would not let this prize loony beat her tuneless drum for too long, and the young lady on the program introduced an anecdote. At her school, the relationship between pressure and weight had been illustrated by the use of snow boots and stiletto heels – sounds like fun doesn’t it, boys and girls?

The CH took this up, “most of us have been trodden on by a stiletto heel” she informed us. Well, no, we haven’t. I have been informed about those areas on the internet where such activities are discussed and demonstrated for sexual gratification (cue next bunch of twats coming here for the wrong reason), and have no objection to any activity where all parties are happy, but I must state here that I have never been trodden on by a stiletto heel, either accidentally or as a result of a commercial transaction. I think this illustrates that the underlying premises of most of the ridiculous theories of physicists are dubious if not total bollocks. I shall be writing to parliament to have the laws of thermodynamics revoked very shortly.

The CH went on to illustrate the usefulness of physics by saying that it was used by those who did the special effects in the Harry Potter films and by writers of computer games. Yes, the reason that there have been no good films made in the last ten years is because of bloody physicists. We are no longer concerned with style, acting ability, clever writing or humour, but are subjected to a bunch of nerds showing off. I do not need to list the benefits that computer games have brought to us, do I?


19 comments:

Richard said...

We'll just blindside the notion that physics is the reason we could read all that and put my laptop's flatscreen down to an accidental side effect of a soufflé that went spectacularly wrong for TV chef Graham Kerr in 1971. My DAB radio was made out of birch twigs by a bloke in the Ashdown Forest.

raincoaster said...

Vicus, you can get trodden on by a stiletto heel for less than a fiver if you go early in the week.

I shall, of course, not tell you where to go.

Vicus Scurra said...

I sense that you may be not entirely serious in those suggestions, Richard, but the practice and outcomes of carpentry and cookery seem to be more firmly in line with my perception of reality than anything that Rutherford produced.

Vicus Scurra said...

Raincoaster, I have no desire to be trodden on, stiletto heels notwithstanding. This is what distinguishes those of us with a perspective that veres towards the sane from the bizarre mental machinations of the scientific community.

Richard said...

Rutherford could do it all with birch twigs then he put the fluence on it, just like David Nixon.

Frontier Editor said...

I think everyone here may be missing the point - physics may be the only discipline (suspend your disbelief at that choice of word just a moment, Vicus) that holds the key to the existence of Ken Dodd.

Oh, and that bit about blowing up killer giant meteors the size of Texas too, since that knowledge could be applied to Texas and part of Connecticut itself.

Frontier Editor said...

Vicus,

In honor of Lord Rutherford, I shall be sending you a big, charged plum pudding this Christmas.

kat said...

FE, I certainly can understand your animosity for Texas, I share it, although I posit that it is too late for any such action to be of benefit, the idiot's already escaped. But Connecticut?

Frontier Editor said...

Kat,

One must find the idiot's breeding ground and unconsecrated earth and caskets as well . . .

kat said...

Oh, right, I forgot. I don't think there's enough salt n' stakes in the world to correct that one. So Connecticut is included.

homo escapeons said...

I will gladly second your motion but only if a wigged out Cherie 'Hogwarts' Blair presents the imperative documentation whilst hovering above the fray in full Queens Counsel ceremonial garments and stiletto heels.

Carmenzta said...

Vicus, Dear Cabbage, could you ask them to revoke the laws of gravity as well? I want my butt to look like Goldie Hawn's used to. Thanks.

Pamela Troeppl said...

I used to wear stilettos back in the day. Then of course I wised up to the laws of physics.

Carmenatza, I bet your butt still looks fabulous, but I'll second your vote on getting rid of gravity. It's certainly no friend of mine.

tom909 said...

Now come on Vicus, why the sudden aversion to the sciences. They have served us well over the years. I love bunsen burners especially if they 'strike back'.
As to the laws of gravity affecting the ladies - I have to say life would be a bit more peaceful round here if it had more of an affect on me. And Carmy you told us you had a nice arse so don't go changing your mind on that one.

OneEar said...

Ability to ward off asteroids?

Vicus Scurra said...

One ear. Welcome. We Brits have a commonly used phrase "we've got a right one 'ere". Is this the meaning behind your sobriquet? I have visited your blogs. They make mine look sensible. Welcome again.
Now, you other people, have you said hello to the new boy? Good. The thing about these laws of physics, about which I bang on a bit, is that the phenomena which they attempt to explain may have some cause. I choose not to assume that the laws of physics are necessarily the correct explanation. I expect that some of them may be near the truth. But, this does not mean that if and when they are seen to be nonsensical, it does not follow that the phenomena will disappear. So, ladies, if your buttocks drag across the floor, it is likely that they will continue to do so. Tom will still lust after you. He was the original ass dragging across the floor.

Pamela Troeppl said...

Tommy dear, please explain your comment in more detail.

I'm all agog.

tom909 said...

Pammy, you're a dirty gal at heart and you know full well what I mean.

Carmenzta said...

Pammy, I got Tommy's comment and I'm blonde too!