Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Thank you again, Theodore and Evadne

Another in the series of answers to those finding their way here via search engines.

she touched his stiffy illustrated

I am not familiar with this particular journal. It is not one for which I hold a current subscription, and therefore these comments are not as informed as they might be. My first impressions, however, are that it would appear to have a very limited subject matter, and would scarcely merit commercial success. I say this without any attempt to be judgemental. If any of you have a copy and wish to post extracted illustrations, then I will do my best to pass on the information.

buggery

Someone from the Emerald Isle asked about this. It is difficult to know how to respond, given the very brief question. Again, alas, I have to profess little or no expertise or experience in this art. If forced to opine, I would recommend against it, but if that is how you care to spend your Thursday evenings, then I have no objection. Perhaps you ought to get an instruction manual. Living in Ireland, your local priest will probably give you a few pointers.

bollock pain

Amazingly, another topic about which I have little knowledge. Try to solicit the help of a nice young lady with stiletto heels, or buy a crowbar or staple gun.

gertrude shilling hats

I do not know of any milliner with stock as inexpensive as those you are looking for. Even if you were to be successful in your quest, then I suspect that the quality of said item might be less than satisfactory.

did any good come of the cultural revolution?

Yes

Llewellyn journal crochet patterns

Now we are talking. Unfortunately, I am under legal obligation not to reveal the hideous and ancient secret that lies at the heart of this topic.

bum willy

Stop being silly.

disturbed how you feel to customers

I suggest that you desist from the habit of intimate relations with your clients. It exceeds the limits of your contract of employment and will get you into very hot water.

is there a isle called scarra in Scotland

There may be “an” isle of such nomenclature in the Pictish regions, but until you learn correct usage, I will be forced to decline to assist your enquiries. Was that you, Adam?

"vinegar processing"

Yes, I know all about it, what do you want to know?

edward III hobbies

He was a collector of thimbles and had an interest in the geology of Northumbria. His favourite pastime was cooking brussel sprouts – he had over 3 different recipes. He also gave silly names to his children.

  • As I have mentioned before, the Black Prince was not black, and is remembered mainly for the first rock concert.
  • Lionel of Antwerp was actually named after his place of birth and after Lionel Blair, star of “Give us a Clue”. Who can forget his attempt to do “Three Men in a Boat”?
  • John of Gaunt – had a ghostly demeanour when born, but hardly grounds for labelling him with such a grim identity for the whole of his life. No wonder that he was a tad moody.
  • Edmund of Langley – also named after his place of birth – Bury St Edmunds.
  • Thomas of Woodstock – pretender to be the founder of the rock festival.
  • There were eight other children who did not (that’s enough Plantagenets, Ed.).

11 comments:

Richard said...

I have tested a few of these and you are indeed correct. You are the fount of all knowledge, obviously. Except for those wanting bum willy information where you are found desperately wanting. It was heartening to see though that Mr Murdoch's excellent purchase, Myspace, is full of answers to the enquiry. He must be inordinately proud that he has carried on his glorious tradition of peddling shite to the world (save for the X-Files and The Simpsons, I'll let him off for those).

Vicus Scurra said...

The things I could write about myspace. I would not wish to embarrass those on whom I have been spying by mentioning them here.

First Nations said...

'bum willy' is an obvious but culturally misplaced reference to beloved country and western singer 'Boxcar Willy', a favorite among the impoverished and inbred in the america of the 'fifties.
Boxcar Willy did indeed spend a portion of his youth riding the rails, and it is this experience which lent an extra note of authenticity to his ballads of drinking aftershave, roadside defecation, eating boiled road kill and being sodomized repeatedly by unwashed and chancred social outcasts in hobo camps all across america.

no, no thanks are necessary. 'hands across the waters and all that. glad to help.

Richard said...

Oh, go on. Spill - it's never stopped you before.

Vicus Scurra said...

Thank you for your contribution FN. It is so nice to have resources to call upon. Should you require any information about Wilson, Kepple and Betty for your journal please let me know.
Richard. Alas, I do have some principles.

ziggi said...

oooo that's one of my favourite shops too!

Frontier Editor said...

Vicus,

A shame that no enquiries about the Anjous were encountered - you only would have had to list a pair (geddit?)

FN: I thought a 'bum willy' involved bloodflow or nerve issues.

raincoaster said...

Vicus, I think you've misunderstood. The person who came via a search for "bollock pain" wasn't searching for information about bollock pain. He was searching for bollock pain.

Please direct him to my blog.

Dave said...

As always, a veritable cornucopia.

(Latin: Cornu Copiae)

Carmenzta said...

I have nothing to add.

Dyna Girl said...

How do you find that out, Mr.?