Tuesday, April 03, 2007

I am a lazy fat drug crazed commie bastard.

You have probably all seen that naughty Boris has been at it again, this time picking on the fine citizens of the ancient settlement of Portsmouth. He will soon have a full set.
Here is what I posted on his blog:
Slightly off topic here, Boris, but I thought we were friends. The route from London to Portsmouth takes you within a Tebbit's scowl of my house in north east Hampshire, and yet you thought it necessary to go all the way to the coast to find a place "too full of drugs, obesity, underachievement and Labour MPs". We in North East Hampshire are proud of our obesity and underachievement. We could probably rustle up a few joints and a tab of acid for you should it be really essential. No Labour MPs, alas, but we could sit in my garden and sing the Internationale.
I am very hurt, unless these allegations on Sky news are false or a belated April Fool jape.
I am sure he will be very pleased to hear from you all.


Dave said...


Vicus Scurra said...

Thank you for your diligence. Typo corrected.

zig said...

...there and everywhere?

Reg Pither said...

Dear (Fellow) Lazy, Fat, Drug-Crazed, Commie Bastard,

I done writ him to put him straight on a few things. His comments were somewhat hypocritical for one who surely HAS to be on drugs himself, who would take 134 years to die if he went on a hunger strike and who has done more to trash the Tory Party than an entire "spin doctor" of Blairites (not sure of the correct collective noun).

Keep the faith.

JolietJake said...

reg, I think it's Blairite of Spin

or "shower of shite"

While we're on the subject of the Ryan Giggs of Politics, who the feck would vote for Gormless Brown in an election?

granny p said...

Bring the joints here.Also the Labour M.Ps. (But leave out Boris - with or without a perma tan..and wouldn't that look good with HIS hair.)

Vicus Scurra said...

Hey Granny! Welcome back. Nice to have a touch of class here.

Homo Escapeons said...

Enjoy it while it lasts because thanks to your National reluctance to proliferate like Cane Toads, the brain trust at FOX NEWS have summarily pontificated that Britain, and the rest of bloody Europe, will be enjoying the hospitality of the Caliphate by 2050...

Whatever became of the remedial splendor of simply closing one's eyes and thinking of England?

Eat, trip, and be merry.

JolietJake said...

homo - you sound like BJ.

and I don't mean Blow Job. Although, Blow Job Johnson sounds like a crackin' good name for a homo pornstar or a drug taking gay sprinter, or a baseball player.

It's the same for any US athelete, they all have gay names. "Carl Lewis" is just an acronym for "I'm pretty for a bloke so why can't I put my dick up your ass?"

Ben Johnson is Canadian, I know.

That's the thing of observational comedy, the observations are all fake and made up.

"go away", that's polite english for "fuck off". Only americans say "fuck off". Well, welsh people and scots do, australians yes, south africans are really good at it, also works in India, Pakistan, malidives, cook islands etc.

which is my own way of saying "I'm feeling a tad jaded now so if you don't mind I'll put my pj's on and head up the wooden mountain to bedfordshire"

Vicus Scurra said...

HE, it is ambiguous comments such as yours that are the cause of the sort of confusion that leads to a low birth rate. Closing your eyes and thinking of England is all very well, but the advice was originally intended only for the ladies. Copulation is already a complicated and ridiculous exercise that would be rendered almost impossible if a chap had to do it by touch alone. There are so many different ways to go wrong. I will not go into further detail because there are young and impressionable people, like Adam, who venture over here to expand their learning, and I believe that should be a pure and sacred activity.

Loz said...

Spectacular as usual. Link (of no real value, alas) duly awarded!