Monday, April 23, 2007

I turn my back for 5 minutes

The festivities in Rome are lasting much longer than was budgeted for. I could have told them this. I have never known anyone hold their drink like Ratty, and don't see a downturn in the momentum before May at this rate.
Sister Mary Shania, of the order of the Unrevealed Mysteries, did her best to put a lie to that nomenclature by winning a 4 euro bet with a member of the Kenyan college of Cardinals, when she dived into the Trevi fountain, displaying the glory of the Lord.
A few quick phone calls (and I wish I spoke Italian more fluently) managed to persuade them to pass the blame onto some poor pleb from Milan.
I don't know what the Italians get so upset for. I have been to the Trevi fountain. It is just some old bricks covered by water that you would not drink even in the desert. In my view, Rome is well overdue for redevelopment. I mean, would you want to live in a 2000 year old house? I am tempted to get my old pal the Duke of Westminster to buy it up, and get my friends at Barratt's to knock up some nice modern semis, with a garage and garden each. I am sure there will be some complaint from the stick in the mud locals, but we should not stand in the way of progress.
It is a good job that they haven't found out what the Bishop of Neasden carved into one of the pillars at the Pantheon during Ratty's party.

Following requests, I have decided to publish a photograph to illustrate this story. I hope this will keep you happy.


Richard said...

Could your extensive connections not run to obtaining one of the many snapshots referred to in the article?
I have been stuck in a miserable hospital in Salford all day and thought that maybe the evening was going to be enlivened to make up for it. Back to the snooker then.

Mrs Trellis, North Warangal said...

What did he carve? (The Bishop, that is.)

Vicus Scurra said...

Richard. Miserable. Salford. Tautology.
Mrs T. I am not going to tell you, but he does have your telephone number tattooed on his thigh.

Dave said...

I hate to be pedantic, but I feel the bishop was actually carving on the pillars outside the Pantheon (you know, the ones holding up the entablature).

Whilst there, I overheard an American guide giving a useful mnemonic to remember the order and difference between Doric, Ionic and the other kind of capitals. Sadly, I have forgotten this very useful tool.

I was going to ask you to jog my memory, but as this will now make a post for my blog tomorrow, I shall not.

Vicus Scurra said...

Dave, as always, you are correct. But I think that there was no ambiguity in my report, was there?
I hope you continue to suffer from memory loss and forget to post about architectural features tomorrow. I am not looking forward to it. Can you not find something more salacious? Is your Norfolk congregation not overbrimming with tales of decadence and excitement?

Dave said...


That was the mnemonic. Why your blog should remind me, I cannot say.

I shall now post an illustrated lecture on the subject tomorrow for your edification.

I leave decadence and excitement to you.

Mr. X said...

We were disappointed with the article. Written in the tried and tested journalistic fashion promising interest in every word, and then no *bleep*ing picture.
It's just not good enough, is it?

Vicus Scurra said...

OK, I have posted a picture.

Dave said...

You could have pinched the one from my blog (25th March). The nude lady is, sadly, hidden by my face, but still...