Friday, April 20, 2007

Reader, she married him.

Despite my many protestations, people do not believe that I turn down wedding invitations. This week, I have been attempting to recover from the party in Rome, but never intended to go to Mumbai for the joining of Aishwarya to Mr Bachchan jr. I don't know how many of you have ever tried to turn down an invitation to an Indian wedding, but it is a tiresome process, and by Thursday I was considering taking up residency in my garden shed in order to escape the constant hammering on the front door.
I do not see, however, why my readers (a Mrs Trellis of North Warangal), should not benefit from my explanation of some of the rituals and customs surrounding the ceremonies.


Someone not familiar with etiquette bought a pop-corn machine as a wedding gift. It is an Indian tradition to blow on all wedding presents, as a symbol of purification. In this case the groom was showered with cheap confectionery which attached itself to his make-up.


Someone with the same problem offered poor old Amitabh a sherbet dab.


Mr. Dutt was later disappointed to learn that the custom of bidding at auction for first go with the bride had been abolished by the British in 1884.

16 comments:

Richard said...

At least they didn't invite Richard Gere

Suzanne said...

Don't shoot me, I've nominated you for a Thinking Blogger Award. After reading this, I have no idea why. Particulars here: http://imsodizzy.blogspot.com/2007/04/ive-been-nominated-for-thinking-blogger.html

Homo Escapeons said...

HA! Old habits die hard.

I shall start the bidding with $1 billion worth of my Google Class A common stock which is up $10.83, that's 2.3 percent, now it's up to $482.48!!!

Dave said...

It's a wonder you ever have time to blog, your life being such a social whirl.

Vicus Scurra said...

Richard. Mr Gere has been maligned. That Shilpa Shetty is a right goer. She throws herself at me all the time, and that prospect was another reason not to go to India this week.
Suzanne! Welcome! You look slightly nervous in your photograph. Don't worry, most of the folks here are harmless and stick to their medication. I, alone, remain in sound mental health, and have never done any harm to another human being. Just don't give me a baseball bat and an interview with Thatcher - I would hate to sully my record. Thank you for your kindness. I am resistant to these tag thingies, but not averse to nominating others. Let's see what happens.
Donn. You naughty boy. Have you run out of virgins to deflower over there? Imagine what would happen if you won and had to fly to India? Imagine the build up of tension on the flight.
Dave. I am indebted, as always, for your insight. Perhaps you could explain to these harpies who keep nagging me to post more regularly how busy a schedule I have.

ziggi said...

How much is $482.48 in £Sd? I could do with a spot of cash being short changed by the papal office.

raincoaster said...

How much did they get for Elizabeth Hurley? Her clothes are specially chosen for the fact they're easy to get off. Same with her men, when you think about it...

I, like the view said...

ooh! sherbert dip-dabs

my favourite

Vicus Scurra said...

Ziggi, I am afraid that Canadian dollars approach worthlessness, and are only exchangeable for unsavoury agricultural products anywhere. Might I suggest that if you want to indulge in intimate practices with Donn, that you do it through love. All other roads will lead to disappointment.
Raincoaster. You are joining the growing band of correspondents who seem keen to turn this journal into a forum for the discussion of prostitution and its going rates. You are turning a very beautiful wedding into something quite sordid.
ILTV - That's more like it. Let's have a discussion about sweets.

I, like the view said...

*passes the After Eights*

(or would you prefer a liquorice pipe, Vicus?)(Love Hearts?)

;-)

I, like the view said...

ooh ooh

I know

Flying Saucers - you know, the little rice paper envelopes with more sherberty fizzy stuff inside. . .

or how about Space Dust! remember how that pops on your tongue and goes up the back of your nose and down your throat the wrong way and makes your eyes water

sorry, getting carried away now

word ver: parma-violets

Richard said...

I do rather like the idea of the shiny suited umpire. Is he giving somebody out or awarding a bye?

JolietJake said...

Interesting that this type of news is in British press these days. I still get the feeling that some people are saying "look what the funny foriegners are doing now..."

never mind.

Vicus Scurra said...

ILTV seems to be in need of some addiction counselling.
Richard. Not all Indians are involved in cricket.
Jake. The British press, unlike its transatlantic counterpart, does take some interest in matters beyond the parochial. And there is nothing funny about weddings.

zoe said...

i could offer 200 gmail invites to sleep with the groom - is he good-looking ? hell, nobody dares turn me down - it's a wonder that i only have 3 children.

Mr. X said...

We still prefer Galaxy flakes.
- Even if they do give you a backside the size of a rhino.
Not that you'd know about such problems, Vicus, being the paradigm of perfection you are, but still.