Friday, October 26, 2007

Jacques Anquetil

I would like to make it absolutely clear that there is nothing even a little amusing about this story.
The women in question were quite correct in their conduct - invading the gentleman's privacy and reporting his entirely harmless activity. The headline is somewhat misleading. He did not perform the act described in court, but was in court as a result of performing the act earlier.
There will be no prizes for appalling puns or cheap jokes. Tittering at the back of the room will be dealt with harshly.

14 comments:

Richard said...

You're wrong, it is very funny. However, I am a little puzzled. When one is placed on the aforementioned register, I assumed it was because you are presumed a danger to something living. There are, I believe, high street shops catering for a certain proportion of the population who prefer to physically engage with several kinds of inanimate, or mildly animate, object. Are we to be wary of their customers?

Vicus Scurra said...

I think that the object in question must have been underage.
More importantly, do you know Karl Watkins? He would be a very welcome addition to this little forum.

Richard said...

No, I don't know him. Apparently pavements aren't his only friends.

homo escapeons said...

He is Bike-Sexual and Curious?

I have no doubt that his burgeoning spoke fetish would have soon put an end to this tomfoolery anyway.

This is all Freddy Mercury's fault:
"I want to ride my bicycle,
I want to ride it where I like"

Reg Pither said...

You are very astute, Vicus. Mr Elton John, or whatever his name is, is not the person on which I focused attention. After all, who hasn't had sex with a bike or some other form of mechanised transport at some stage in their life?
No, the man worthy of our thoughts - and sympathy - is Mr Watkins. His hobby tells you all you need to know about the allure of the women of Redditch.

Reg Pither said...

Ed.
...make that "..on whom I focused attention."

Dave said...

I know a joke about a man riding a bicycle, but I won't repeat it because

a. Your readers would be shocked
b. So would I

Vicus Scurra said...

Richard, thank you for that, very sobering, he is perhaps, after all, not one of us. I note that he was fingered many times.
HE, thank you for bringing some of your unique perspective to this backwater.
Reg. Thank you. Consider my desire to know more about the women of Redditch satisfied.
Dave. It would indeed be inadvisable for you to begin to attempt humour after all of this time.

MJ said...

*titters*

Vicus Scurra said...

MJ, you were warned. See me after chemistry, and bring your bicycle pump.

Bob said...

It's not clear from the article whether the "sexual breach of the peace" refers to whatever he was doing with or to the bicycle or to something else.

He was wearing a "white t-shirt". Did it have something written or drawn on it?

I think we should be told!

Betty said...

I would have thought that a lot of men would have had sex with the village bike before, so what's the big deal?

Dyna Girl said...

Yeah, I thought he was humping it IN the courtroom. Still, I can't help but wonder if he oiled the chain.

Dyna Girl said...

"Karl Watkins, an electrician, was jailed for having sex with pavements..."

ouch.