Tuesday, February 01, 2005

I suspect that I am hallucinating

Obliged as I am to my friends at the BBC for their fair and accurate reporting of interesting items of news, I have to say that the following story leaves me with more questions than answers.

A man who grappled naked with a policeman who called at his home admitted assault on Tuesday.

Clint Catcheside, 47, of Cambridge, threatened Pc Christian O'Brien with a broom before grabbing him around the throat, Cambridge magistrates heard.

He assaulted the Pc trying to stop his son, Marc, being arrested in August. Catcheside, who also admitted assault with intent to resist arrest, was ordered to carry out 150 hours' community service.

Completely naked

Yetunde Fawehinmi, prosecuting, said Catcheside confronted Pc O'Brien while completely naked then attempted to prevent him from arresting Marc about an alleged breach of bail conditions.

Catcheside said he had been in bed when he was alerted by his son's cries for help.

He said he had "reacted badly" and regretted the episode.

Catcheside was also ordered to pay £50 compensation to Pc O'Brien, who suffered bruising.

  • Why do the protagonists have such strange names?
  • Has anyone ever come across a Christian policeman before?
  • Why does the prosecutor’s name form a perfect anagram of ‘Finite weedy human? And is this significant?
  • Where did Mr Catcheside find the broom, having, apparently, been woken up?
  • Was it really a broom?
  • If it was a broom, and he had it about his person in bed, why?
  • Is the offence made more serious by Mr Catcheside being completely naked, rather than, say, naked from the throat down?
  • Is this activity symptomatic of residence in Cambridge – it certainly wouldn’t happen in North East Hampshire?


Morphess said...

I can't believe that no one has made a comment on this post. It's very funny. I leave one now, even though I am completely clothed, in the sure knowledge that no one will notice.

Vicus Scurra said...

I noticed, dear friend. You can now go about your day knowing that of all the sentient beings in the Universe, you alone have found this treasure.

Morphess said...

Crikey. There was me thinking you'd locked up and gone home.