Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Friar Tuck was not a protege of the Reverend Spooner.

Inhabitants of the quaint city of Nottingham are incensed by reports such as that published by the BBC that theirs is the most crime ridden place in England and Wales. The name of Nottingham thus may come as some surprise to visitors to this wonderful metropolis, with its friendly if simple residents and balmy Mediterranean climate. Of course, the situation is not as straightforward as the one reported. Most of the burglaries in the area are followed by the distribution of the proceeds to the underprivileged of the city and county, and can be seen as a justified reaction to the totalitarian position adopted by those at the head of the law enforcement agencies.

16 comments:

Noelle said...

I believe if you look more closely you will find that I spell Scotland with a T. The Scots did warn me about the English, though.. so no worries.

Vicus Scurra said...

Welcome Noelle, to lunacy HQ.
Noelle refers to a comment on her blog which she has now deleted when I pointed out that there was an 'L' in Scotland, otherwise it would be 'Scotand'.
You see the title of her blog is 'noelleinscotland' - geddit?
However, I think that her riposte here is far more clever than anything I could have composed.

Geoff said...

They interviewed some merry men in the city centre. They said they couldn't give a Friar Tuck but that theirs was a pint of lager.

Geoff said...

Oh shit I didn't read your title.

olivsxxx - Popeye's tatoo on his penis.

just passing said...

there's noelleinNottingham (but 2 Ts) - perhaps she's venturing south of the border in green tights

Richard said...

Noelle, had you never heard of the English before before the Scots warned you about us?

I have been listening to J.Vine interviewing the good burghers of Nottingham who have been wheedling out of the evidence by saying the figures have been incorrectly compiled because they missed large chunks of the city out. The chap who compiled the report said that it didn't matter how you compiled them, there was so much crime there they'd still win.

Richard said...

Oh, and I had to laugh at the bloke who said that he'd lived there for 40 years and said it was a lovely place but that everyone knows where the crime happens so we stay out of those bits. Indeed.

Vicus Scurra said...

Carmentza. I can provide only the scantest of information. I wish those who saw this nonsense would be more forthcoming with information.
As I understand it, it is a competition whereby each country picks a song to represent their culture. It is the song, not the singer nor the performance which is the important constituent. It may have changed since I last saw it. That was the year that Pearl Carr and Teddy Johnson performed "Sing Little Birdy".

Pamela Troeppl said...

::makes plsns to visit the land of Men In Tights:::

Cherrypie said...

At last! Somewhere worse than Hull!

raincoaster said...

Well Kevin Costner seems to enjoy himself over there, so perhaps we should send him back?

Adam said...

"Basically, we rob from the rich and give to the poor. It's just that the poor is...us."

/Paraphrased
//Better not be obscure

yixlir- Unpopular version of the harmonica that requires an artificial layrinx to play.

Vicus Scurra said...

Raincoaster. It seems to me that there is always someone on that side of the Atlantic trying to offload their rubbish onto us. Will you never forgive us for the pilgrim fathers?
Adam, thank you for that insight, and the use of the word 'basically'. Where have you been? Can't you see how much your readers need you?

Carmenzta said...

Vicus, I think the contest the year that Pearl and Teddy performed was the one featured in "The Sound of Music."

Pamela, I think I should warn you that in spite how cute they are, men in tights are usually interested only in other men in tights...

xdzwtuw - a traditional Czechoslovakian "kitchen sink" soup.

kat said...

First Jerry Hall, now Kevin Costner. Particularly after his incident at St. Andrews using his putter off the course. Look, we managed to send Michael Jackson to Bahrain instead of London, doesn't that count for something?

giqgnn-What he thought he was doing in the ladies'.

Anonymous said...

What they need is a Super Casino! That should sort it - a clear and legal distribution of wealth