Sunday, May 28, 2006

I hate the fucking world cup. (That’s soccer for my colonial readers – AMToNW).

You can hardly switch the radio on without hearing the opinion of some lobotomised, knuckle-dragging throwback pontificating about the chances of Paraguay adopting a 2-6-2 formation or whether the climate in whereverthefuckitis will help whicheverthefuckteamitis or some such bollocks. I switch off immediately and listen to my CD of Rio Ferdinand singing Verdi arias. And then there are the vast numbers of inbreds who have adopted the practice of having the flag of saint George waving from their cars. Saint George hated bloody football, preferring a game of ludo.

Bollocks to them all. Football is an entertaining spectacle when played well, although there have been very few entertaining international games since the 1970 Brazilian team disbanded, but there is nothing to say about it. "Descartes had a good game", or "Aristophanes was at fault for the second goal" is about it. So please, shut the fuck up until June 9th and talk about something more interesting. And not Big-fucking-girl’s-blouse-Brother please.

No, I am not cross, I am fine thank you. I did not mind that Leicester Tigers played like a bunch of wallies yesterday. I was not disappointed that the final of the Super14s was spoiled by fog and no-one could see from one side of the pitch to the other. I was not upset by the curtailment due to weather of the Test match. I was not affected one little bit by my friends Sheryl and Pamela pointing out that the American media were not covering the Indonesian earthquake but instead concentrating on trying to get some sense out of their assclown (thank you Danny) president. No, Adam did not rile me by adopting his normal “vote for Bush as the nukes rain down” political viewpoint. No, I am in excellent spirits thank you very much. I think I will celebrate by going round to Wayne Rooney’s house and stamping on his other foot.

Invoking the “allowed to mouth off on Sunday - no bugger reads it, they only blog when they’re meant to be at work” rule.

18 comments:

Mike said...

Super 14, could've been Redwood v Miramar from what I could 'see', in fact, I'm sure I saw Dan Carter sneek of for a puff behind the bike shed half-way through the 1st half. It was a giggle for 40 mins and then I wandered off, bored by it all.

Sorry to hear about your team doing "not good" and sorry to read the anger, you have quite a tongue on you mister [insert naughty jokes here]

raincoaster said...

Aristophanes was totally slandered by the broadcasters. Ask any of us that were there; his save was fair and square and that goal was totally out of bounds.

Biotches.

raincoaster said...

And whatever you may have had to endure, you've at least been spared the spectacle of Don Cherry as a broadcaster. Gah! I say again, GAH!
http://www.cbc.ca/greatest/top_ten/nominee/cherry-don.html

Brutus said...

Depends how much enjoyment you get out of watching a gang of millionaire illiterates kicking a ball around.

Really its just a harmless opportunity for like minded multi national racist morons to meet up and kick the shit out of each other and the local cops.

Great family entertainment that even Nero didn't think of (although I understand the lions were fun).

nwzywecb - football supporters war cry as German police baton forced up his rectum.

Richard said...

Remember we went to Leicester two weeks ago? We drove past the Tiger's ground several hours after the end of the game onto the dual carriageway called "Tiger's Way" that features on no maps except the ones used by the Leicester Constabulary. They now have a photograph to prove that we were driving along it. At 37 mph.I'm not impressed.

Richard said...

Apologies, I understand there are more than one Tiger.

tom909 said...

Vicus, on this rare occasion I do find myself having to disagree with you. The build up to the world cup is all part of the experience. It gives us all a good chance to get to know the characters involved, and by the time the competition kicks off we will all be really hyped up and ready to enjoy the total experience, excluding the opening ceremony of course.
And as for your inability to enjoy Big Brother, but somehow be able to enjoy some fucking wanky old music that some twat wrote 200 years ago, what's that all about. I don't get it.
Pop over to Ruthsbonkers sometime and add some of your almost infinite scientific knowledge to our discussion over there - it's getting quite riveting!

MJ said...

I disagree with both Raincoaster and Vicus.

Raincoaster: I think all sporting events should be covered by Don Cherry. "Coach's Corner" is the only part of the Stanley Cup Playoffs that I'm watching.

Vicus: I'm wearing my most glittery nipple tassels for the World Cup.

kat said...

YES. It's the equivalent of some Canuck puckchaser taking his false front teeth out to answer an interviewer's question. Kack. I'd sooner be four-point restrained and forced to listen to George Michael explain the latest car accident to a background of "Wham!"s greatest hits. Sure, Verdi wrote about tacky drama, but at least we didn't have to watch Violetta stick her falsies in before she belted one off.

As to 'Mercans not covering the Indonesian earthquake, of course not, we aren't even aware there's a rest of the world. They have no oil, get it? Much to the consternation of two very nice young people in line in front of me at the Tesco's yesterday wearing anti-American T-shirts, I apologised to them, and meant it. We're a nation of chavs and Bush is the epitome of one. It's the perfect word for him.

Geoff said...

Football is a game for gentlemen played by thugs.

Rugby is a game for thugs played by gentlemen.

Ice hockey is a game for penguins played by bears.

I thought Don Cherry was Neneh's stepdad.

Love football. Hate flags.

zoe said...

i love the world cup, so there.

i do hope that upsets you - and by the way, you don't have any fucking friends. who'd like you ?

Kyahgirl said...

*hands viccus a very tall drink*

I don't talk about soccer or football so have nothing much to say.

MJ-Don Cherry is a complete and utter TWAT!

Frontier Editor said...

Since I haven't been keeping up with the World Cup, I have a bit of a poser for you: is your visage mixed with a photographic im age of Eisntein or Trotsky?

I'm leaning toward Einstein because of the absence of an ice axe to the cranium, although I could be completely wrong and looking at a composite of you and David Lloyd George.

And I wholeheartedly agree - thousands of suffering Indonesians deserve far more attention than an idiot Connecticut-ian in King Lone Star's Court.

Frontier Editor said...

Pardon me - Einstein, not Eisenstein.

Adam said...

Ah, yes the American media. The only thing worse than what they seem to be covering is what the people actually care about.

Last fall, I was in Media Writing class, and we had to name some of the day's top stories. "20,000 people died in an earthquake in Pakistan" I said.

There was a brief moment of quiet, a "Gee, that's too bad" sort of reaction.

Someone else's hand shot up. "KATIE HOLMES IS PREGNANT!!" The whole class proceeded to chatter nonstop for 5 minutes, until the teacher stopped them.

/vbswsdcf- Official spelling of The Nation Without Vowels. Located just south of Antartica, it is a little-known place that only permits consonants, usually allowing "y."

//spell-checked for your protection

///unnecessary slashes!

krusty the baker said...

I'm with you totally on this Vicus, every newspaper is full of Spud-Face's bloody foot. Ha, the St. George's Cross, flown by all the rabid patriots; from their German cars. Rio Ferdinand's sole contribution to human society is to redefine the boundaries of ugly. Football provides the proof that we are already diverging as a species, into those of us who can read, write, imagine, think, string a sentence together, manage a subjunctive clause, and those who 'phone Five Live 'phone-ins and say "yerknow, like, I mean, yeah?" a lot. The Illiterati.

If I want to know about 'Big-fucking-girl’s-blouse-Brother' I'll go and see what Tom has to say.

avaumlr - the steroid of choice for footballers.

tom909 said...

I will not allow this thread to end without a conclusion just because Vicus is getting over-excited by some middle class comedy off Radio 4.
So on balance we're all agreed then, the world cup should be enjoyed in full and that includes as much pre-tournament punditry as we can get.
And Big Brother is today's equivalent of that shite Shakespeare wrote 400 years ago.

Vicus Scurra said...

Yes, Tom, we all agree with you. Now hurry off and watch the Cilla Black show, and read your Jeffrey Archer novel. There's a good boy.