Friday, May 19, 2006

My friends at BBC news report that a strange cult has been uncovered in Darlington. There is no criminal activity as all the inhabitants of the premises that they raided where there voluntarily.

Apparently, women in the cult are treated as slaves and ordered what to do all the time, including matters of an intimate nature. Durham police express surprise at this behaviour.

They have obviously never visited Yorkshire.

Here, as a bonus, are those whacky New York folk again.



19 comments:

tom909 said...

Good God, How come this has passed me by. Is it expensive to join?

Mark Gamon said...

This is obviously a new trend in human behaviour. You read a novel, you think it's real. Just like that Da Vinci thing.

Now I wonder what I should start writing about? I'll get back to you...

Vicus Scurra said...

Tom, nearly everything passes you by.
The only exceptions are those things that are trying to run you over.
Mark. Thank heavens that very few people read Catch 22.

Geoff said...

Are they from North or South Gorea?

Come on, Bush & Blair. Get your SWAT teams in there.

Richard said...

Mark, I would counter that rather. Substitute Bible for novel and well, you know.

Jeremy Vine just interviewed the leader of the cult (not Ian Astbury. It appears that the most offensive thing about this is that women are voluntarily led around on leashes and have to kneel before their master. As there's only four of them, it seems abit of a non-story.

He also read out an email from somebody living in the village I grew up in. He said that maybe the women ought to turn on the men and lead them around on a leash to see how they'd like it. Not quite sure what to think of that one.

Mark Gamon said...

Tom - good point. Bible, Koran, the Arthurian legends: we've been doing it for years.

Vicus - you mean Catch 22 wasn't fact? Oh lord. I'm confused now...

Mark Gamon said...

My Daily Mirror points out that Darlington's Kaotian 'master' Lee Thompson was banned from a local butcher's shop after he wandered in leading a woman on the chain and 'attempted to buy bacon'.

If he's so dominant, couldn't he just have sent one of the girls shopping?

Vicus Scurra said...

No, no, no, Mark you are getting all confused again.
It was the buying of bacon that was the problem, not the woman on a leash. Have you never visited the North East?
Of England, that is, not Hampshire. In North East Hampshire, we venerate our ladyfolk, and are known as "Jane Austen Country".
Anyway, I think it is about time that we prevented people from buying bacon. Peace and lentil rights.

Richard said...

His quote on the wireless was that "It was in a market actually and it was a shame because he did the best bacon around."

When J.Vine asked him whether he thought it was demeaning to women to be led around his reply was "Well, you hold your girlfriend's hand don't you? I just do it with a lead." He's a guy with all the answers.

Mark Gamon said...

Hmm. When you put it like that...

Why are there no women commenting on this subject?

Vicus Scurra said...

They can, as soon as they've made us all a nice cup of tea and washed up.

vrigotf - extreme bigot.

Kat said...

Check this guy out; in the States, we do this sort of thing up right. Bothering with more than one leash at a time might be a bit bothersome.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/12679983/

fuicxv: What having sex with this guy might be like.

Daphne Wayne-Bough said...

My future ex husband is from Darlington, nothing would surprise me from bandit country. But my boss would like to join this group. He's got no excuse, he's German.

Vicus Scurra said...

Welcome Daphne. Your writings provide a service in the sense that Belgium is underfunded with regard to humour, it's nice to see that old tart Zoe having some help.

However, I cannot but speculate that you are not giving us your real name, and that you might be making fun of my speech impediment. I don't mind really. We are all rainbows here.

Pamela Troeppl said...

Bacon is the devil's playground.

Wait. Perhaps I've got that wrong.

Mike said...

By golly, it seems that ScFi ("Science Fiction" for those that don't know ... why did I bother to write 'SciFi' and then explain it ... I was gonna say something about 'education to the masses' but, um, hang on, I'm drifting somewhat) ... SciFi (see previous) writers are the new rock stars, they write some tacky weird-ass books and suddenly they have a following that groes into a cult ending up with a church.

I love it!

Please buy my new release in the "Gorgonite Adventures In Space" series ... following the highly erotic and slightly naughty adventures of Captain Mike as he boldly gets up to things that he shouldn't with oodles of naughty (hell yes, even submissive) girlies ... ooooer [insert Sid James laff]

Mike said...

groes is the accepted Intergalactic spelling of 'grows' ... I do my research so don't argew

Dave said...

In one of those strange twists of fate, in two weeks time I shall be on holiday in Yorkshire. Whilst there I am visiting a (female) friend who lives in Darlington.

If I do not return, please explain to the world that I have joined a cult.

Vicus Scurra said...

Dave no matter how exotic the cult, and no matter how alluring the women who you will be enticed to lead around the various corners of County Durham by a barbed-wire rope, the shear misery of Darlington will cause you to return.