Tuesday, May 16, 2006

I am grateful again to my friends at the BBC for the information that the new Drugs Minister – I am not sure if that is his official title – once smoked marijuana.

What intrigued me was his name, and I am not sure why no one has drawn this to my attention, viz. Vernon Coaker. It appears that he was born for the job.

Were I to be PM, and I fail to understand why that has not yet happened, then I would insist that my drugs minister had full first hand experience of all the narcotics that were within his remit. I am not sure what my policy on drugs would be - to make compulsory, encourage, control, restrict or abolish their use. I am sure, however, that my drugs minister would be too fucking stoned to care.

Would you appoint an education secretary who had never been to school? Would you appoint a minister of defence who had never ripped a man apart with his bare hands? Would you elect a president who couldn’t find his ass with both hands, a map and a search party?

I am reminded of my dear friend Dave, who left his mortal coil some time ago, and who has still not been replaced. He told me of finding a new job.

“And what is your job title?” I ventured.

“Youth outreach worker – drugs and sexual health”.

I found this more than a little amusing.

“If I were a troubled youth, and came to you and said ‘A man tried to sell me some drugs in a pub’, what would your response be?”

“I would say ‘What was the name of the pub?’”


Pamela Troeppl said...

So what job qualifications do you possess?

Vicus Scurra said...

I can find my ass with both hands.

tom909 said...

Vicus, I see the Daily Mirror picked up on Toker's name today too.
I know people don't like serious posts so here I go, about to kill this one stone dead, but isn't it high time we legalised drugs. I can't think of one reason why not.
It beggars belief that a load of prats in the government can tell me what I can and can't do - what's it got to do with them.
PS. I haven't taken drugs since 1972 (apart from once or twice)

Richard said...

So you have then. Insert gratuitous memory loss joke >here<

Vicus Scurra said...

High time! Clever play on words Tommy.

Kyahgirl said...

so you don't need a search party and a map to find your arse? You're quite talented. What kind of job will that get you ?

tom909 said...

Kyah, have you seen the size of Vicus's arse?

Mark Gamon said...

I'm with Tom. I haven't taken any drugs since... oh. I forget which year. Actually I forget the location. But that's all right because I still have a teensy stash of maryjane somewhere in my desk and that'll help me remember when and if I ever did take drugs or when and how the last occasion was and in any case ossifer I was driving very very very slowly which is what you do when you're out of your gourd so I can't possibly have been endangering other drivers in any way whatsoever now where exactly did I leave my hash pipe back in 1975 just before punk came along and made us all feel very old and therefore so responsible that we no longer sought to expand our minds in any way whatsoever and consequently settled down and had babies instead. Apart, that is, from some very good parties that take place from time to time in... No. I better not say that in fact I better go to sleep and dream the addled dreams of the opiate addick for a few soporific hours I'm sorry what were we talking about?

erjpnjmq. I've spent as long typing that one word as it took to do the whole of the rest of this comment.

Cherrypie said...

I'm not qualified to comment, never having taken drugs ( except one time that my mate's Dad passed me a joint and I had wonderful sex with a Carribean gentleman) and never having known a time before punk.

Waht do you need to be Minister of Health?

Vicus Scurra said...

KG - pretty much anything I want.
Tom - yes, she has.
Mark - stay away from the brown acid.
Cherrypie - exactly what qualifications do you feel that you need to comment here? I mean, look at the evidence.