I swear on the grave of Herbert Sutcliffe that I am not making this up.
I think it is a winner, and can barely conceive of anything more unlikely to happen in this universe or any other.
I refer to the question of the person who came to me, referred by Theodore and Evadne Google, with the phrase - wait for it:
(Are you really, really ready?)
“why do testicles seem to be more relaxed in th evening” (sic)
Perhaps some one from the north of
I think that this merits some comment.
Normally, I would challenge the premise that testicles are more relaxed in the evening, but suspect that in order to prove or disprove this hypothesis, I would be required to perform some intimate physical examination of the enquirer. I feel loathe to do this, at least until they have shown some commitment to our relationship. Therefore I propose to take their word that testicles are inclined to show or experience a lesser degree of stress in the latter part of the day.
I must confess I have never noticed, nor been tempted to scrutinise (scrotumise?) the said organs. Mine, anyone else’s or those belonging to the fauna of North East Hampshire.
So I can only assume that, in general, testicles absorb some of the stress that is inevitably generated as we grudgingly go about our daily routine. When we get home in the evening, and put our feet up in front of the television, or with a good book (several in Pavlov’s case), then the stress dissipates to varying degrees.
Perhaps, however, our enquirer (if you come back please introduce yourself, and your bollocks, to us all), already knows the answer to this question and is just testing the rest of humanity. Perhaps he has devised a routine for relaxing this particular body part. Maybe he has a special place to rest them. Perhaps he applies some soothing balm – camomile or oil of pyracantha, for example. Perhaps he has a CD of ball-soothing music. Will we ever know?
What, I feel obliged to ask, are the symptoms of being less relaxed during the day that he has observed? Do they not adapt to movement, and perhaps feel abused by being bashed from thigh to thigh as he sashays about his place of employment? Does he wear constricting clothes that prevent their swinging freely in the way that God intended?
And, why, in the name of buggery, does he care why they seem to be more relaxed in the evening?
I am sure that this is a topic that none of you can ignore. Even those of you unencumbered by male genitalia will not be able to resist.
Is there an award for most interesting blog thread? I claim the gold medal.