Saturday, June 17, 2006

Saturday post - you know, the one that no bugger reads

I am not normally given to discourse about such overblown rituals as the UK honours list.

When the revolution comes, people who have accepted honours, their offspring, other relations, neighbours and colleagues will be among those who will need a damn good excuse not to be first up against the wall.

However, let me comment on the current pile of crap issuing from the palace to mark the ‘official’ birthday of Liz.

Graham Thorp is described as the best batsman of his generation. This is equivalent to being the most honourable politician, the most charismatic accountant or the most literate football commentator.

The most controversial nominee was a policeman called Hayman, who was responsible for the latest police action where someone was shot for having a big beard and looking foreign. There is a simple explanation. This was a mistake. The prize should have gone to Carl Hayman, for services to rugby and ugliness.

Honours are being given to ordinary people. According to the ever reliable BBC one bus driver was nominated for “going that extra mile”. This pissed off his passengers who had to walk a mile back to their stop.

45 comments:

Dave said...

That would be Graham Thorpe, I suspect.

No-one reads my blog on Saturdays, either. What do people do, whole they're waiting for the cricket to start?

Dave said...

What would be while, of course.

Vicus Scurra said...

Watch the rugby? Or are you someone whose great moral standpoint has not shifted in light of pressure from Murdoch?

Dave said...

If you mean, do I have Sky? No.

caroline said...

Okay. Give me a clue. I can't be bothered to trawl through all your rantings to find the thing I'm meant to respond to.

I have PIGS to find a home for, a WHOLE life going on here. C'mon.

Vicus Scurra said...

Cazza, sweetheart, you are mentioned by name in the post of Monday 5th June, but of course, in my heart, you with me with each character that I type.
You old ratbag.

Richard said...

Dave, I don't have Sky either. Some of us still have principles that we are unwilling to compromise. It does sadden me that I will have to watch the cricket highlights on 5 but it's a small price to pay.

Mark Gamon said...

Actually, I beleive that Hayman bloke wasn't actually responsible for the latest gargantuan police anti-Islamic fuck-up. Somebody in the secret service ORDERED him to carry it out.

That said, if he he'd had any sense (or sense of decency) he'd have politely asked them to defer the award until next year at least.

Which he didn't. Which makes him a plonker. Surprise surprise.

Vicus Scurra said...

Mark, so now I have to let facts influence a good story?
A bit harsh, in my view.

Mark Gamon said...

Oh no, Vic. You carry on as usual. Apologies for being picky. You're still right.

Pamela Troeppl said...

It's Saturday and here I am reading your post vicus.

I admit to not understanding a lot of it, but still. I can't stop myself from reading. Is reading other people's blogs an addiction?

jromer said...

still laughing about the busdriver going 'that extra mile' (people should really be careful with their metaphors)
and oh yes, i've learned two things: plonker. and...Sky.

Mark Gamon said...

jromer is the second American who's reacted well to my use of the word 'plonker'. It must resonate over there somehow. I wonder why?

Oh. I remember. George W Bush.

jromer said...

i also love the word wanker. i'd rather be put down by someone in the States than someone in Britain because the British really know how to put you in your place.
Don't necessarily know what plonker means, but I can guess that I don't ever want to be called one.

And George Bush? Well, I don't know why the American people weren't warned when the running campaign was george BUSH and DICK cheney.

ack. God is laughing at us all.

kat said...

Being an American living in the UK, I can say, jromer, that you got plonker spot on.

Laughing??? He/She/It must be a real wanker to be laughing at that happy horseshit. I'd be laughing if Charles came to the throne, then a true sense of farce would have overtaken me, but not before. Only at that point will it all start making sense.

jromer said...

kat? where? who? no blog? ack! this isn't fair! and how, why are you living in the uk? i'm starting to feel a faint tap of jealousy

Cherrypie said...

You have Anna Ryder Richardson commenting on your blog. She's not folling anybody with that fake American accent and calling herself jromer. Surely it's only a matter of time before Sarah Beeny pops out of your woodwork

Pamela Troeppl said...

I feel so lost...

Vicus Scurra said...

Pamela, you are not lost, you are here among friends. The nature of these friends is such that being lost would be a blessed relief.

Richard said...

Anna Ryder Richardson does look a bit like the young jromer here but she does have a whole extra half a face.

Colonials can't quite get the hang of British or English profanities and tend to over-use them slightly out of context. I remember an episode of Miami Vice featuring evergreen songster, Phil Collins. The show had obviously been scripted by an American using some kind of standard reference work on British swear words as I remember Collins taking great delight in calling someone a wanker but completely out of context. It's probably the only time I've sympathised with the man. It was also at a time when such a word wasn't even generally heard over here past the watershed.

Richard said...

I apologise for the total ungrammatical nonsense of the previous post. What a wanker.

Pamela Troeppl said...

Wanker wanker wanker. It's such a fun word.

kat said...

I'm living here because it's the only place the press can use the word "wanker" without being accused of being politically incorrect by the "Society for the Preservation of Wankerdom" of Nottingham, who now informally harbors this particular organisation in Ikea's car park (parking lot to you).

It's actually refreshing to see one's "political leader" referred to as an idiot in a 4" headline on a front page. Who was this? The Daily Mirror?

And Richard, you're forgiven. Please come home.

tom909 said...

I know that receiving awards off Her Majesty is a somewhat controversial subject. It is a shame that some of her loyal citizens are so ungrateful for the gifts that she bestows upon us. I can only say that I am very proud to have been born and to live in her kingdom, and whether I receive an award or not, I can promise my devotion to my queen and her descendants until the day I die.
Like Fuck!

Vicus Scurra said...

Phil Collins got to call some else a wanker? Proof of my theory that Americans DO get irony.
Tom, you are in serious danger of steering this discussion back to the original topic. Have you no sense of protocol?

jromer said...

26 comments on a posting that no one reads (because its a saturday posting). not too shabby.

jromer said...

okay, so i looked up anna ryder richardson. interesting.

Vicus Scurra said...

jromer. I didn't know who she was either. The idea that I would let an interior design consultant have freedom of expression here. I think whoever made these ridiculous accusations should apologise to you.

znuhod - decorative device used in the drawing room as interesting feature.

Mark Gamon said...

This HAS been a busy little comments string. I've only been out an hour.

There must be nothing happening in America this Sunday.

Anna Ryder Richardson. Oh, yes. The one I fancied on Changing Rooms. Or at least the one I would have fancied, if she'd ever stopped talking about interior design.

Vicus Scurra said...

Mark, meet half of jromer. I have never heard her talk about interior design.
jromer, meet Mark, antiquated hippy who ...
no, perhaps not.

Pamela Troeppl said...

Vicus, your little ploy to get as many comments as possible on your "No One Reads My Blog Saturdays" whine has worked.

Apparently we are all your willing slaves. Not wankers, slaves.

Although since I don't know everyone on here, there could be the odd wanker or two.

tom909 said...

Good thread Vicster. You are truly fortunate to have so many loyal friends. Marvellous thing the internet - if only they could meet you in real life. No, I love you really. x.

tom909 said...

Actually I've just been thinking - now you've got everybody jumping about your Saturday thread maybe you can do it every week, and then when we're all really hyped up and getting really excited about all the fun we're having, you could just drop it and move on, as though you didn't realise how much we need you at the hub of our cyber-universe.
I think you deserve a special award from her majesty for your gallant efforts to keep her loyal servants happy.

Vicus Scurra said...

Tom, as always, your ideas are worthy of close examination. May I recommend a Jungian analyst of whom I have heard good reports?

tom909 said...

Vicus, you are indeed correct. on your advice I am shortly to undergo a series of Jungian therapy sessions. It is my sincere hope that I will soon be able to talk total shite along with the rest of you. Until then, please bear with me - I will try not to burden your readership with serious logical discussion. Please understand that my approach to life is a result entirely of my upbringing. I started out as a very happy child but as time went on I fell in with a bad crowd. I need not go on with the details but I'm sure you can imagine the scene. An innocent young country boy ends up taking far too many drugs and shagging far too many woman, and basically just enjoying themselves just that little bit too much.
Alas I have since paid the price for my wayward experiences. I am now a dull witless shite who is only too happy to sit at home blogging. Help me Lord!

Richard said...

Tom, I settled down very early and partook of most probably far fewer mind altering substances. Result - the same. Witless twatting about on the teh interwebs for no discernible reason. It doesn't seem to matter what the background is. In the words of the foremost philosopher of our times, Pte. Fraser: "We're doomed"

Richard said...

I apologise wholeheartedly for my appalling spelling there and the mysterious insertions that definitely weren't there before, I swear.

Pamela Troeppl said...

Tom, now that you've publicly admitted to your youthful romps (too much shagging) I find that my ardor is waning.

Could you please start talking about horses again? That might help.

tom909 said...

Pammy, when I write about horses you tell me to write witty stuff. I'm beginning to wonder if I will ever be able to satisfy you.

tom909 said...

Richard - it's only too easy to imagine that our predicament is a result of our previous actions. But if as you say, there is no connection, then shouldn't we all be going for it like rabbits.

Carmenzta said...

Hey, I'm reading this on Monday because on the weekends I usually have a life. This changes from Monday to Friday when I have to actually sit at my desk and act in a productive manner for at least 8 hours.
Just FYI, I took very few drugs while I was young and led quite a sheltered life in regards to shagging until my divorce 9 years ago. Same result here: wasting time as Richard puts it "twatting about on TEH interwebs."

Can someone please clear up the correct context in which teh word "wanker" should be used?

Pamela Troeppl said...

Tom dear, you'll never know until you try.

Vicus Scurra said...

Carmentza:
1) When meeting any member of the royal family.
2) When referring to any politician.
3) Except Dubya. Wanker is not strong enough.
4) Any occasion when withering contempt is called for.
Pamela. Cut it out. Or I will start calling you Pammy.

tom909 said...

Vicus, go easy on Pammy. My advice is to play a long game with her. Hopefully she's worth the wait.

Vicus Scurra said...

That goes for you too, Tommy