Thursday, June 22, 2006

Remember to recycle

I am obliged to Raincoaster for pointing (perhaps not an appropriate word under the circumstances) in the direction of this news story:
http://www.kansascity.com/mld/kansascity/news/14864475.htm
As I will be visiting the area of Kansas City next week, it comes as some reassurance that there is one circumstance that I need not worry about.
The airline might divert my luggage to Montreal, which is what they did last time I went to Kansas City, but at least there will be officers of the law on hand lest I mislay something more vital.

62 comments:

Dave said...

'Fishing a suicidal man’s dismembered body part out of his kitchen trash.'

He tried to kill himself by castration? There has got to be a more pleasant way to go.

Dave said...

Or was he trying to kill himself because his 'body part' had fallen off?

We need to know these things.

Daphne Wayne-Bough said...

Going to Kansas City once could be deemed a mistake. Going there twice must be pure masochism.

Vicus Scurra said...

This coming from someone who lives in Belgium.

Dave said...

Will Toto be going with you?

Vicus Scurra said...

Young David. Your presumptions about the USA have let you down, and after all those criticisms about the parochialism of its inhabitants.
Kansas City is in Missouri, not Kansas. Therefore no Oz references are applicable.

Pamela Troeppl said...

Yes, but still. You're going there. I live in the states and even I won't go there.

Dave said...

Oh, you're going to that Kansas City. There is one in Kansas itself, you know. My friend Mr Arnold Wikipedia tells me that:

'Kansas City is the third largest city in the U.S. state of Kansas and the county seat of Wyandotte County; it is part of the "Unified Government" which also includes the cities of Bonner Springs and Edwardsville. As of the 2000 census, the city population was 146,866. It is home to the Archdiocese of Kansas City in Kansas, which covers 12,500 square miles of the Roman Catholic community in eastern Kansas.'

Vicus Scurra said...

Yes Dave, the one mentioned in the news story.

Dave said...

Ahem. I don't see the word 'Missouri' anywhere in that news story. Given that one knows there are two Kansas cities, the whole of that link could refer to either.

But don't let's make me out to be a pedant.

It's not worth fighting over is it? So I magnanimously forgive you.

Enjoy your time in the US, and I hope no body parts drop off.

Frontier Editor said...

Sounds like Warren Zevon should have retitled one of his songs before he died, the one about things to do when dead.

Vacation was . . . different. I'll work up a travelogue in a day or two after my laptop is repaired

Vicus Scurra said...

Dave, I would much rather quarrel over the trivial. There will never be any serious discussion on this blog.
FE welcome back. We have struggled by without you, JR in particular has been distraught. We have given her some fennel tea and played some Simon and Garfunkel songs for her.

Frontier Editor said...

Hmmmm, I would have offered cheap medicinal brandy and some Tom Lehrer, but that's just me, I suppose.

jromer said...

cutting off one's own penis and then running into a field...that's a lot of work. if his method of er, deployment is truly indicative of how difficult he made his life..no wonder he wanted to end it all. i hope he is getting treatment...christ, aren't pills faster?

jromer said...

funny how your fennel tea tasted like bourbon mr. scurra

kat said...

Kansas City is where one does this to oneself based on an out-of-context Old Testament verse, New Jersey is where someone else, usually named Vinnie the Blade, does it for you.

You think I'm kidding.

I've been to KC once, by accident. Based on the number of cattle in stockyards there and the smell they generated, I'll never fall into that particular, er..hole, again.

fjoaxa-what you find in Kansas City is stockyards accompanying cattle.

Richard said...

But isn't the old John Wayne Bobbit thing a bit passé now? He's now going to be obliged to post photographs of his re-attached member all over teh interwebs for all and sundry.

I wonder if he's got photographs pre-self mutilation so he can remember his dismembered member.

Carmenzta said...

Also, now this guy in Kansas City, (Insert random state name here), will have to become a porn star. Welcome Back FE!

gmjflwxi - the type of crazy glue used by plastic surgeons to re-attach penises in KC

raincoaster said...

FE, you didn't happen to vacation in Kansas City, did you?

Vicus, what happened? Kansas City? Is Boris deporting you?

Adam said...

Hmm. First Beeville, Texas and now Kansas City, Missouri. Why do you keep going to all of these obsure towns and second-rate cities in the Western US?

Well, I guess I'll have to try the American equivalent. The only thing to do is to visit Heidelberg, Germany while I'm on my tour of Europe next Janurary.

Yes, I've been accepted.

ivtdfqou- Word of seduction that mixed French-Russian couples use. Believe me, that's all you want to know about it.

raincoaster said...

Some guy in the Okanagan stripped himself naked, poured gasoline on himself, and became a flaming meteor of chubby white nekkidness, running down the main street of Westbank last year. If memory serves, the guys from Starbucks put him out. They used pitchers of water, but for the sake of the story I'm going to claim it was frappucchinos.

The guy was upset because he, himself, was a polygamist. We are all a little upset about polygamy, but even we don't want them to BBQ themselves on Main Street. The smell is terrible!

Vicus Scurra said...

Enough of all this rudeness about Kansas City, as if it makes any difference to me.
To be more precise, I will be visiting the nearby city of Blue Springs (Missouri, Dave, not Idaho, Yukon or Cape Province). It is famous for having a post office since 1840.
I believe there is a Walmart, McDonalds, Starbucks and Target. Make fun of that, if you will.

Adam, sweetheart, how lovely to hear from you again. Now please write 500 times:
OBSCURE
JANUARY
and note that the phrase "second-rate cities in the Western US" is tautological.
Also note that neither Beeville nor Kansas City are really in the west of the United States, but you are right that they are west of you, unless you went round the world the other way.
Also further note that it is only Americans who have to write the name of the country after the city. For some reason, probably having nothing better to do is close, the rest of us know where stuff is.
Let us all pray that this visit here heralds another exciting entry in Adam's blog. Shall we go and have a peek? Sick bags and sunglasses ready everyone.

ghctm - noise made by stomach contents when first gazing upon Adam's computer project.

Dave said...

'the rest of us know where stuff is.' Other than Kansas city, of course.

I also wish to state, for the record, that I was in a grumpy mood yesterday, for reasons that may become apparent (the change of picture is a clue).

Carmenzta said...

Dave, you took your cricket picture off? This is serious!

Vicus, again let me point out that I do not approve of your generalizations about Americans or about any group for that matter. Many Americans don't know where Washington DC is, but there are the other kind (the ones that do not live on the Bible Belt nor in the Midwest, just making generalizations so you see how silly they are) of Americans that know their geography, and know it well.

awawpj - sleepover party in Kansas City, Mo

Vicus Scurra said...

Carmentza, I know, and I share that view, but have you met Adam?
If I was an obese, sarcastic, uptight old bastard with bad teeth, would you not be tempted to use a national stereotype in describing me? Oh, wait a minute.

Brutus said...

After I posted about the football in Germany an American reader asked me where exactly Germany was .. I told him to go to Miami, turn right and keep going, he couldn't miss it, big place, full of Germans .. he seemed happy with my directions but said he'd have to 'look up' Miami.

I though he was joking .. well you would, wouldn't you! .. wouldn't you?

KAZ said...

Remember Fats Domino:

Well I might take a plane I might take a train
But if I have to walk I'm going just the same
I'm going to Kansas City
Kansas City here I come
They got some crazy little women
there and I'm gonna get me one

SO BEHAVE YOURSELF.

tom909 said...

No need to worry about Vicus on that score. Mrs Scurra will be travlelling with him and she keeps him on a very tight lead.

Dave said...

One trusts the lead won't be tied so tightly around any part of our dear author's body that it might drop off.

And yes, the cricket picture has gone, as one aspect of my life fades into the sunset, to be replaced by who knows what. Love maybe?

Daphne Wayne-Bough said...

In Abel Ferrara's film "La Derniere Femme", Gerard Depardieu sliced off his manhood with an electric carving knife ... some men fainted in cinemas. Some women laughed.

Dave, if it's of any interest, my resemblance to Margaret Dumont has been remarked upon.

Mark Gamon said...

'Saaaahm...whaaaaaayre... aaaavahda rainbow...
waaay...aaaaahp...'igh...'

Just getting an irritating tune in your head, to speed you on your way to Kansas City.

One town, in two states, as I understand it. Nice arch, as I remember.

kat said...

Mark, that's St. Louis. Equally as exciting as KC.


qgbotq-a junk souvenir toy sold at the St. Louis A___.

Interpreter Pavlov said...

All I want to say is that I hope you have a great time, and if you should happen wittingly or unwittingly to lose a vital 'body part' (how unlike this blog to be so coy) please make absolutely certain that it's yours they sew back on. If you're uncertain I'm sure there'll be no lack of people to authenticate it. Hurry back - Europe is the poorer for your absence.

Vicus Scurra said...

IP. I'm filling up. Don't actually leave until Tuesday, so I may be able to leave some texts for you all to ponder in my absence.
I feel my responsibility very keenly.

Pamela Troeppl said...

vicus, if you're coming this far, why not come a bit further west? We'd be glad to have you.

Oh wait. I won't be home. Well, come on in anyway and make yourself at home. I'll leave the key under the mat.

Frontier Editor said...

Thank you, Vicus, for allowing me the temporary illusion of being a smug bahstahd. as they say in Boston . . .

Beeville, Tx actually has the distinction of being the place where many a Naval Aviator got his or her first taste of jet aircraft operation.


unouszh - Hungarian melange of overrated American family card game, Mediterranean pasta and local stew flavored heavily with paprika

Raincoster - I couldn't have vacationed in Kansas City because I can still relieve my kidneys standing up and with some measure of aim.

And fennel still goes better in sausages than in tea.

raincoaster said...

Kat is an unheralded master of sarcasm. A moment of respect, please.

And I second Pamela's invitation. I'll be off in the Osoyoos desert in July, but you can enjoy my apartment two blocks from Main and Hastings in Vancouver. Handy for the crack and hookers!

I agree with "Many Americans don't know where Washington DC is, but there are the other kind" but the fact is that most of the other kind seem to live in Washington. Or are George Stephanopoulos. I am HIGHLY IN FAVOUR of George Stephanopoulos, having been a founding member of the fanclub, but as for the rest the only one worth keeping was Henry Rollins, and he cut out for LA as soon as he could.

FE: you have obviously never encountered the ladies' room in Metrotown mall. I shall not speak further of such atrocities.

Vicu: once again, I am proud to have brought your attempts to elevate this blog to its knees. So to speak.

Vicus Scurra said...

Ok, two people who I thought were close friends invite me to their houses, but only when they are not there, the city I am visiting is, apparently, the dullest in North America (and there is some very stiff competition), and now we are on the boundaries of suggesting that I may as well spend a few days in a public toilet.

Well, thank you for your warm wishes. I am going to have a nice time. I doubt whether I will miss any of you, apart from Pavlov whose kindness should be an example to you all.

raincoaster said...

Fact you. Have you ever been to Main and Hastings?

jromer said...

Mr. Scurra, I hope you have a good time. I'd been hesitating wishing you bon voyage because well...I didn't know if you were joking. I can't imagine what a person such as yourself would be doing on a trip such as this but now that you've cleared things up, please forgive my appalling lack of grace and have yourself a good ol' time. xoxoxo.

Frontier Editor said...

Vicus,

I have a spare cot in my office, which is about to become my home for the next few months as we introduce "new and improved procedures" to our operation. We can hot bunk - you can enjoy southwestern Virginia nightlife and recover from your boredom-indiced fatigue and hangovers at night while I go sleepless from work 24 hours a day.

Mark Gamon said...

Kat - oh. Yes. Funny how I mixed those two up...

Richard said...

He has lived in Crewe. Kansas City will be like a wonderland to him. Pavements, windows maybe, even the odd upright wall here and there. Please send a card, we are lonely here.

svsekpys - goodness only knows.

raincoaster said...

Hotbunking with a Virginian. Surely we've all had a few invitations like that in our day.

How can you resist? There may be possums involved!

Frontier Editor said...

Ah, the wench grows wittier . . . .

Vicus, I do recommend watching your golf game while in KC, since obviously at least one person has developed an unwanted slice in his stroke.

Vicus Scurra said...

FE I have never watched a golf game, mine or anyone else's. I may be visiting Missouri, but that does not mean that all human activities are now part of my repertoire.

Dave said...

Dear Sir,

I trust you will not be leaving this sceptred isle within the next 24 hours, as another correspondent has informed me that you may make an excellent player in the new cricket team I shall be forming tomorrow morning.

You don't need to be able to play; the ability to talk a good game is all that is required.

Details at my place from 8 am tomorrow.

Your humble servant, etc.

ps. Please don't tell your friends. We do have some standards at LIAEMFC.

kat said...

Mark, it's a perfectly natural mistake. They actually might be the same city, connected by a wormhole. Why they would want to duplicate such a place is mystifying.

Vicus, the level of dull in KC could actually be a subject of study, because no one would want to go there without getting paid to do it.

But do try the ribs.

Vicus Scurra said...

Kat.
Vegetarian.
So unless 'ribs' in this context means those connected to the busty substances of some naughty girl who crosses my path, then I will not be trying them. And even if that is the meaning, then Mrs S. does not take too kindly to my indulging in those sorts of hobbies.

Frontier Editor said...

Vicus,

In case you don't try the KC ribs, I do have a rather tasty Chicago recipe (honest, really)

Get about four pounds of pork spareribs and marinate in a mix of one part each white vinegar, cider vinegar and water for 8 hours overnight.

Drain and rinse ribs, and salt and pepper. Smoke ribs in a closed charcoal grill for about 30-40 minutes till done.

Not a traditional sauce-soaked rib recipe, but extremely tender and tasty.

tom909 said...

Ah Vicus, you're a vegetarian. I also have a recipe for you. It is Dartmoor barbequed lamb chops with mint sauce. Come on Fronty, keep up, Vicus eats tofu.

Frontier Editor said...

Ahh, how about a traditional American meatloaf recipe then?

2 lbs ground round (not that regular ground beef crap - use better crap)

1/2 cup oatmeal

1 packet Lipton Onion Soup mix

1 raw egg, shelled (you'd be surprised how many people over here miss the shelled part - the inhabitant at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. comes to mind . . .)

2 tbsp water

Knead above ingredients into homogeneous raw pate'. Form mixture into loaf shape of own choosing. Place in tinfoil-lined glass pan and bake at 400 for 1 hour.

Most folks here slather the top with ketchup or tomato paste and bake an additional 5-10 minutes. I don't.

How's that, Tom?

raincoaster said...

If Vicus eats tofu I cannot bring myself to make a cheap joke at his expense. The man has suffered enough.

Vicus Scurra said...

No, raincoaster. I eat tofu and other meat substitutes very seldom. Beans and vegetables, hence my athletic profile and blooming health.

tom909 said...

Are beans not vegetables Vicus? So technically I should have a veg garden and a bean garden - is that correct?

Vicus Scurra said...

Tom, you are the horticultural expert, so you tell us.
Referring to your own charming little journal, I believe that beans begin with 'B'.

Frontier Editor said...

Souns like we need to introduce a little precision into the language here.

Since Vicus does allow legumes into his diet, perhaps we should be using the term legumivegetarian.

Or maybe semiomnivorous?

tom909 said...

Ah thank you Vicus, that completes my list of ten things to shove up my arse. I can now relax and begin working on my technique. Fronty, don't try and blind us with science, a bean is a bean, just accept it.

Frontier Editor said...

Aha! So you ARE Thomas Dolby! By the way, whatever in hell happened to Lene Lovich?

tom909 said...

SIXTY - YEAH!!!

Vicus Scurra said...

Tom, calm down. Save your excitement for when Australia win the world cup, proving that they can win any sporting competition that they damn well please.

tom909 said...

Nice prediction Vicus!