Monday, June 05, 2006

The BBC has shown a dramatised novel called “The Line of Beauty”. I am not sure why. I read the book, watched the TV series, and still left myself unsure of whether the writer was trying to make a point. I suspect he was trying to do an updated version of “Dance to the Music of Time”. I am sure that were I to read book reviews I might find answers to questions about underlying themes and so forth, but equally sure that I would not have my view that no one has anything of value to say substantially amended. In this series there were scenes of homosexual sex, through which I used the fast forward feature; this does not make the scenes anymore erotic in my view, it simply makes them pass by more quickly. In case you are in doubt, I have no objection to scenes such as these being shown, or people taking part in them, I just do not want to watch them. The same applies to terrestrial television programmes on Saturday evenings.

Even less satisfying was the cinematic version of “Hitchhiker’s Guide”. How to take something worthwhile and bugger about with it until it becomes crap. I am concerned that I am being so old fashioned that I can no longer stand versions of anything that were in a different medium to that in which I first experienced them. Apart from that, I have seen the entire acting range of Martin Freeman so will have to have compelling reasons to watch anything else in which he appears. (Include Hugh Grant in the same category).

So, dear readers, please ensure that when I am plucked from this earthly existence, that Kaliyuga Kronicles is not turned into a Hollywood epic. (Or a Broadway musical for that matter).

But, just out of interest, were that to happen, who would you pick to play the lead role (me, in case that was not clear)?

I have some suggestions for supporting roles:

Mark – Vin Diesel
Pamela – Penelope Cruz
Zoe – Violet Carson
Tom – John Inman
Raincoaster – Britney Spears
Richard – Terry Scott
Sharon – June Whitfield
Geoff – David Kossoff
Betty – Peggy Mount
Dave – Derek Nimmo (a bit obvious)
Frontier Editor – Ken Dodd
Cherrypie – Fenella Fielding
Caroline – Jack Nicholson
Adam – Sir John Gielgud
Martha – Glenda Jackson

I have provided links to some of those thespians with whom our colonial cousins may not be familiar.

38 comments:

Martha said...

Dude! Sweet choice, although I'm going to have to age quickly.

You can be played by Gandalf - um, Ian McKellan. Okay?

Frontier Editor said...

Since Robert Shaw has shuffled off his mortal coil, maybe these alternatives?

Ian Holm, for a reticent yet wry approach.

Simon Ward, for a Churchillian theme

Sean Connery, for that gruff, endearing yet nostalgic, semi-classic and American-accessible feel if this gets marketed

Mark Gamon said...

What's a Vin Diesel? Some kind of wine tanker?

Vicus Scurra said...

I see you are an initiate in the art of rhyming slang, Mr Gamon.

tom909 said...

Hang on a minute Vicus, John Inman is gay isn't he, you cheeky fucker.

Brutus said...

Christopher Lee maybe or Martin Borman if they can find him .. firm but fair.

Good choice for Adam .. and I'm sure Zoe will be pleased.

bysbki .. losing the last custard cream.

raincoaster said...

BRITNEY??? Fuck, y'all. I'm actually totally, like, Lindsay Hohan. I mean Lohan.

As for you, I'm thinking Christopher Lloyd. There can be none other.

Vicus Scurra said...

I don't know, we move the topic into the theatrical world, and you all start behaving like prima donnas.

Richard said...

Ah. My performance will presumably be lambasted by the critics at the time but then held up in 30 years time as a paradigm of the duffer supporting role. Baggsy bring my own Curly Wurlies.

Vicus Scurra said...

Anyway, Tom, always thinking of yourself, the assignment was to find someone suitable to play me.
Pierce Brosnan?
Macauley Culkin?
Eleanor Bron?

Interpreter Pavlov said...

Well, moving on rapidly from your last post and Jack's masterly reconstruction of the theatre of action I described in this one, what about Bolivia Samsonite? I'm sure she would do you very well.

Now, come on, I'm SERIOUS.

Vicus Scurra said...

IP. You said she would 'do me'. Titter, titter.
I see she is a very accomplished artiste; her career began (according to IMDB) with a production called "Sodomania 27". I can see why you thought of her. So far it's a toss up between her and Ian Holm then.

iotxsbjr - Bolivia's dialogue in her latest movie.

Richard said...

Either James Robertson Justice or John Bon Jovi.

Vicus Scurra said...

IP! I overlooked you!
Cliff Richard.

zoe said...

zoe is most displeased. that christmas card has now been delayed by another 4 months by which time it may get around to arriving on your doorstop this christmas.

cheeky fecker.

Geoff said...

I think we got off quite lightly there.

I think Marlon Brando for you, Vicus. We definitely wouldn't know what the fuck you're on about then.

Richard said...

Geoff, it's taken me all day to work up to eating this bloody sandwich because I've been gagging at the thought of food and now you've almost made me hawk it all over the screen.

Vicus Scurra said...

That Zoe's a bit touchy isn't she?

zoe said...

she is, isn't she ? no idea why. must be nerves.

Vicus Scurra said...

Hey, everyone, Caroline's back:
Old Ratbag
I suspect she will be even more stroppy than Zoe when she gets here.

tom909 said...

Vicus - I can only think of one actor to play the Vicus role, and that has to be Brad Pitt. I think it is important that we try to capture and re-create the instant and powerful attraction that you have for the opposite sex. I know you wouldn't want this particular aspect of your life to overshadow your many other great acheivements, but equally, to deny or forget it would be a tragic untruth!

Vicus Scurra said...

Thank you, Tom, your perspicacity is an example to us all.
As I think I have mentioned before, when I suggested to my colleagues at my place of employment that I closely resembled Brad, they suggested that perhaps I was thinking of his brother, Cess.

Pamela Troeppl said...

Hmmm...Brad as Vicus. Me as Penelope Cruz....

I don't have her thick accent and my hair is blonder. Other than that, we're dead ringers.

Martha said...

Actually I think Jeff Stryker would be a good bet to play you.

So to speak.

Vicus Scurra said...

Martha. I had not heard of him. I looked him up. You are in so much trouble with me.

Kyahgirl said...

ahem, and who shall play me? Lassie?

Kyahgirl said...

Tom, Brad Pitt reminds me of a monkey. Vicus is not quite so simian. In fact, I'm sure his knuckles don't drag, do they?

Martha said...

Oh good. I hope you found pictures.

He really is a marvellous actor. Marvellous.

Frontier Editor said...

Hate to disappoint you Kyah, but everybody on this side of hell knows that all Lassies have, in fact, been male collies.

Yes, America's favorite canine hero since the early 1950's has been a series of drag queens.

Vicus Scurra said...

Kyahgirl, I missed you from the published version (so sorry) but in my head you have always been Mae West.

raincoaster said...

Let's leave your head out of this, Stryker.

Sharon J said...

June Whitfield! What a great choice! Apart from the hair-do, that is. Will I be able to use my own heated curlers?

Hattie said...

methinks Jack Lemmon

Geoff said...

I've been feeling guilty ever since I posted my comment. I didn't mean it - I only did it for comic effect.

I think you're a wonderful person, Vicus, and could only be played by one actor...

Ben Kingsley

Brutus said...

I think you'll find thats Sir Ben Kingsley, geoff.

Seems he gets a bit pissed with too much familiarity from the common people .. bless.



yjgpl .. code for person too far up themselves.

Kyahgirl said...

oh, yay, Mae West

*stick bodacious chest out sashays away.*

Cherrypie said...

You will always be Colin Firth to me. Yes. THAT scene.

Fenella is an inspired choice, much better than the more usual Nicole Kidman, Sarandon or Bonnie Langford suggestions.

I can hear Fronty singing "Happiness" right now

Dave said...

Derek Nimmo??

I've got Sean Connery pencilled in for the lead in the musical version of 'Life is...'.

Watched the filmic version of Hitchhiker last week and totally agree with you. The characters were nothing like those inside my head (from the radio).