Friday, June 02, 2006

Public Service Announcement

In today’s postbag there is correspondence on more topics than at which a stick can be shaken.

It comes from a Mrs Trellis of North Canada.

Raincoaster points out that in this blog, when a numbered list is used, superfluous and annoying text is inserted when viewed through Internet Explorer. Although I view superfluous and (particularly) annoying text as being the lifeblood of this website, I will attempt to remedy the situation. I did not know about it because I use Firefox, where the problem does not manifest. I think I have cleared it up in the thread on history. Please let me know.

Typically I compose an informative article write stuff in Word and cut and paste it.

It is easier to edit, (although not to proofread, obviously) than using the facilities that Blogger provides. It does seem to have the effect of making editing an arcane art. When I removed the aforementioned superfluous script just now, it changed the font in the preceding two paragraphs.

There is some sort of inconsistency in appearance from browser to browser and the customised settings therein. I don’t think I can do much about it. I did tamper with my template (have you ever tampered with your template, missus?) to get the appearance that I wanted. This alone was enough to upset our old friend Simon, who is much to busy to come here anymore.

So, tough. Please let me know if there is any unintentional crap here. The intentional crap will remain. We go back a long way.

Raincoaster, old wombat, is that what you meant by ‘tidying up links’? Because they weren’t links. And I am not whoring for links. Don’t need them. I have had visitors here over the last couple of days looking for information on “Sophie Wessex” – I think I can help, “disgusting nipple seed” – I don’t think anyone can help, and “Mick Heathcote” – whose name, as far as I can see, has never appeared on this site. So, I get all the lovely new visitors that I need, thanks to my old friends Theodore and Evadne Google.

50 comments:

tom909 said...

I can help you with Mick Heathcote. Played in a central defensive position for Argyle 1997 - 2002 approx. Was also the club captain and an all round pretty good player. One of those steady sensible guys that every team needs - a sort of lower division equivalent of Sami Hyppia.
It's possible I may have mentioned him in an early comment on your blog.

Vicus Scurra said...

Tom, as I had no interest in Mick Heathcote, how, exactly, is that helping me?
Don't you understand the stress brought on by having a brain full of information that is of no consequence? Do you think that your adding to it helps in any way?

Dave said...

May I just say that I too use Firefox (and thus find this blog to be impeccably well-dressed) and write my posts in Word before cut-and-pasting.

Carry on.

Vicus Scurra said...

Thank you, Dave, we just have to work on the content now.

raincoaster said...

Raincoaster, old wombat, is that what you meant by ‘tidying up links’?

Yes, that is what I meant. Since they were messed up, how was I to know they weren't links? I don't read HTML or Firefox. Gates won't let me!

Since you've cleaned it up, whatever it was (and it never pays to look too closely at other people's messes) I shall give you a link, just as soon as you post something about mango porn. Some of us are still hit whores, you know, and you can't expect me to make an exception to my standards just for you.

Mark Gamon said...

AN unintentional crap?

Gawd guv'nor, I'm glad you fixed those weird numbers that kept appearing in yer lists. I didn't like to say anything, but they've been poppin' up fer months.

What's Firefox? (Don't answer that. I don't want to know).

Vicus Scurra said...

Raincoaster, thank you so much. Your placing the words 'mango porn' here mean that I will get more traffic in the next 3 weeks than "Ahmed's Erotic Mango Emporium" in Finchley does in a year.

raincoaster said...

Anything for a pal. Besides, Ahmed's overpriced.

Vicus Scurra said...

Thank you proofreader. I have changed it, but I think it was probably better in the erroneous version. As indeed is so much of life.
As we approach senior citizenship, then each one of us can look forward to unintentional craps, and so much more.

tom909 said...

Vicus, a small amount of background knowledge of the lower divisions is good/useful. You never know, if you meet a bird that's into football it just might be the clincher.

Vicus Scurra said...

Again, Tom, you are slightly wide of the mark, as indeed is usually the case with Plymouth Argyle. (That was a soccer joke).
Together with the biography of Mr Heathcote, meeting a "bird that's into football" does not figure very highly on my wish list, and would be just one more thing for me to worry about.

oujswa - Reserve left midfielder for Kidderminster Harriers in 1974.

raincoaster said...

"Mrs. Trellis?" Is this a football reference?

I did have my clothesline tied to a trellis, and the rain soaked my clothes and made them so heavy the damn thing collapsed earlier tonight, but as my webcam isn't pointed at the patio but rather the dark space under the sink, there is no way you could have known that.

Spooky...

Richard said...

Raincoaster, it is counter-productive to hang your washing out to dry in the rain.

Most of this is meaningless to me. What numbers? Is this something to do with the boy Gates' inventions not working together again?

chyesmx - dairy themed lucky dip held in Wolverhampton every Tusesday.

Richard said...

Ooh. I've just looked at these pages in Internet Explorer. How odd.

Vicus Scurra said...

Raincoaster, just for you, as some of the better offerings from the BBC do not reach Canada:
an explanation
Richard. My numbered lists get buggered up when the readers use IE instead of Firefox. The technologically challenged element, you understand.

raincoaster said...

Ah, thank you for the clarification. I told you I didn't have a clue.

Frontier Editor said...

My personal favorite from a quick skim:

"...but first of all I have to announce the result of our Mornington Crescent Good Housekeeping competition, & the winning card out of the hat is from a Mrs. Trellis of North Wales, who writes:

Dear Mr. Melly,
Here's a great tip for removing any annoying little hairs that collect in the bath plughole - Tempt them up with a carrot & then pull them out by their long floppy ears."

Vicus Scurra said...

The Samantha section is my favourite:
Samantha
It is at the level I expect from my friends here.
For example:
...so while Samantha nips out to meet a roofer in order to get felt laid down in the loft... (during the Builders' Film Club round)

Pamela Troeppl said...

Tom, you need to post something new on your blog, please m'dear.

vicus, I too use IE (shakes fist in direction of Microsoft). It's some sort of law here in Washington state. Also, I'd like to point out that your messy links never bothered me. Before now.

Mark Gamon said...

I did wonder, Vicus. Then I concluded that no crap could ever be considered entirely unintentional...

Vicus Scurra said...

Pamela. You could have said something. I mean it is not as if I am some sort of grouchy, foul mouthed intolerant old bastard, is it?
No, hang on, I'll get back to you on that.

owgzyi - cricket appeal issued when you have caught the ball with your teeth.

Mark Gamon said...

Have just looked up Mick Heathcote. It's all true. He's in Wikipedia.

I can't believe I did that. I may need to insert a sponge through one of my ears and wipe the head cavity clean.

tom909 said...

Mark, I can't believe you doubted my word like that.I'm hurt!

Dave said...

In my humble opinion, those who catch cricket balls with their teeth are usually in no fit state to appeal.

Not until they've spit out a few teeth, anyway.

Carmenzta said...

Dave, It's probably an appeal in writing.

Vicus Scurra said...

Carmenzta, I doubt whether you are very familiar with the laws of cricket, now are you? However.
Rest assured, as I have said many times, ignorance is no prohibition to your posting here.

Carmenzta said...

Vicus, you are correct that I no nothing about cricket but that never stopped me from talking about things. Thank you for your patience and leniency.

Carmenzta said...

*know* (before anyone makes any disparaging comments about my spelling)

Frontier Editor said...

If you're not of the western side of the Atlantic, you may not be all that familiar with the Daughters of the American Revolution.

Short form - its blue-haired membership prides itself on direct descent from pro-independence American colonists and to hell with everyone else.

Once, while covering a DAR event, one of the chapter officers commented that, based on my last name, I probably had no ancestors in the colonies during the Revolution.

I helpfully replied: "Actually ma'am, I did have an ancestor here, but he was repatriated with Lord Cornwallis."

The soldiers of the King, my lads
Who’ve been my lads,
Who’ve seen, my lads,
In the fight for England’s glorrrrry, lads
Of her world wide glory let us sinnnnnggggg
And when we’ve said we’ve always won,
And when they ask us how it’s done,
We’ll proudly point to ev’ryone
of England’s soldiers of the kinnnnngggggg.

Kyahgirl said...

I noticed that weird thing too. I have IE at work and Firefox at home. You blog looks fine most of the time but I wasn't going to mention the numbered lists. We Canadians are generally too polite to complain. Raincoaster must have had one too many rainy days and got a bit surly.

Pamela Troeppl said...

S'ok Kgirl, we Americans do most of the complaining for you anyway!

Vicus dear, you're not mean. Though you pretend to have a hard shell, I see right through you. ::smooch::

Vicus Scurra said...

Kyahgirl. You must learn to complain. If I had neighbours like yours, I would never stop.
Pamela. You know what I am going to say. I am impervious to your siren like calls.

raincoaster said...

raincoaster had an unhappy episode with a trellis earlier that evening, it is true, but she is normally quite surly, particularly for a Canadian. Kyahgirl is accurate, though, for the truly Canadian thing to do would be to go away and complain about you behind your back. It's only polite.

Pamela Troeppl said...

vicus dear, since Tom is gone for a time, you knew I would come after you.

Stop fighting the inevitable.

Frontier Editor said...

Konw what a Canadian riot is? Twenty people wagging their fingers and clucking their tongues

raincoaster said...

1) How do you get 200 Canadians out of a swimming pool?

You yell, "Would everyone please get out of the pool?"

2) How many Torontonians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two: one to change the lightbulb and one to fly to New York and make sure they did it correctly

3) How many Vancouverites does it take to change a lightbulb?

Thirteen: one to change the lightbulb and twelve to do the environmental impact report.

That's all I got.

raincoaster said...

Oh, right. A couple more:

the nature of Canuck patriotism, as explained by a beer commercial and a rock station
http://raincoaster.wordpress.com/2006/05/29/i-am-not-canadian/

And the nature of Canuck patriotism, as explained by William (world's coolest Canadian and doesn't that tell you something) Shatner
http://raincoaster.wordpress.com/2006/05/30/i-am-canadian-and-so-is-william-shatner/

Kyahgirl said...

raincoaster :-) thanks for the laugh, especially the Vancouverites! Tree huggers, the whole lot of them.

Pamela Troeppl said...

Fronty, that was hilarious!

Raincoaster, those were great! I was in need of a laugh just now as I've spent the better part of today cleaning and then cleaning just a little more.

Mark Gamon said...

Vicus - don't look now, but the Canadians are taking over your blog...

Vicus Scurra said...

Thank you all for the insights on the nature of Canadian society. I would like to live there, apart from the cold weather and the nipple tassles. I have some distant cousins in Cardston, Alberta. You must all know them.
Pamela. Join the queue, darling.
Tom - you see, your pathetic attempts to pursue the ladies will lead you nowhere as long as I am the alternative.

Frontier Editor said...

54 40 or fight, as we used to say in the mid 1800's and after Alan Thicke got two television shows here.

raincoaster said...

All must bow to the nation of The Shat! Cold weather and nipple tassels go together like beer slurpies and junior hockey.

And hey, 54*40 are great!

Anonymous said...

Dear Vicus please can you pass on to Tom -
Tom please can you change your site so that one can leave a comment without being a 'blogger'? It's bad enough being a stalker without having to admit to being a blogger as well!
Thank you so much

Frontier Editor said...

Tres cool, Raincoaster. That's one of the best band names I've seen since 'Guadalcanal Diary'

Frontier Editor said...

Ahhh, all this Canadian culture reminds me of the old SCTV 'documentary' on the infiltration of American entertainment spawned by the Lorne Greene broadcasting institute, or something like that.

And, on an unusually sincere and genuine note, congrats to the Canadian authorities for catching real terrorist suspects as opposed to the anti-Bush whistleblowers that our own authorities want to hound into silence under the guise of national security.

Pamela Troeppl said...

I'm terribly sorry vicus, but I queue for no man. You're more of a god, so that's ok then.

raincoaster said...

On behalf of Canadians, I thank you, FE. The cinematic masterpiece to which you refer is called The Canadian Conspiracy, and was, of course, a documentary. Just ask Shatner. The American obstructionists took Candy, and Greene, and Jennings defected, but the rest are in place and still operative. Oops, forget I said that. Manifest Destiny Forever: First we take Alaska, then we move south...

As for the terrorists caught in Toronto, I hear when you collect a dozen you can turn them in for an oil well. What's Cheney's address again?

Beki said...

Is Mrs Trellis of Canada related to Mrs Trellis of Wales?

I spy aother person who listens to King Humph surely?

Vicus Scurra said...

Beki - I thought listening was compulsory.