Friday, May 21, 2010

George's new job - Part 9

George had had a very good day. He had been to an interview with some chaps from the Financial Times. Not only had he remembered the advice that his new friend David Laws had given him, but had remembered to say it out loud:

“One of the things you learn as a new chancellor of the exchequer with the Budget less than 50 days away is that you don’t talk about things.”

He was very pleased with that. He had also told them how much he liked the Liberals and agreed with them on everything, and wouldn’t even mind living next door to one! He had, of course, had his fingers crossed the whole time, and they hadn’t even noticed. On the whole they seemed very silly people to George, because they didn’t know that he lived next door to David Cameron who certainly wasn’t a Liberal, and on the other side were just some offices or something; George wasn’t sure what was there, and made a note to knock on the door and introduce himself – hoping that there were no common people living there.

When he got back to his new office, David Laws was there and politely asked how the interview had gone. George told David what he had said about not talking about things, and David was very pleased. But when George told him that he had talked about spending cuts, David wasn’t very pleased.

“It’s all perfectly in order, old chap.”, said George. “I told them that I was not afraid to face the challenges and would be leading by example. I told them that I had asked Frances not to buy any more of Fortnum and Masons organic plum jam, and that we could jolly well make do with the Waitrose own brand. (I didn’t tell them that I had stashed 12 jars of the F&M jam in the cupboard under the stairs!). They didn’t know what to say to that!”

David Laws said “Jesus” and something in Polish, and left, which George thought was a bit rude, but put it down to David Laws being new, and not used to statesmanship and ruthless decision making.

George was surprised how many people spoke Polish to him. He asked his secretary, Kylie, to find out if there were any classes in Polish in the Westminster area.

“Monday nights would be best, because Frances likes to watch Panorama, and she won’t notice if I’m in a bit late,” he said.

“Don’t you watch Panorama, Chancellor?” asked Kylie.

“Oh no”, said George, “it’s all about politics and the economy, and I don’t like to take my work home.” He fell about laughing at this. It was a really good joke, because now he worked at home, you see. It was the best joke he had made since the cabinet meeting a couple of days ago when he had said “Ee by gum” every time William said anything.

George was so pleased with his new joke that he telephoned his friend Iain who was in charge of Work and Pensions, and told him about it.

Iain said something in Polish.

George was very confused about having too many friends called 'Dave'.
They all looked like a blur to him.
He was beginning to think it was a plot to make him look silly.


zIgGi said...

ah sweet George don't you just want to pinch his chubby little cheeks?

And keep twisting until they come off in your hand . . .

Vicus Scurra said...

Ziggi, that particular pastime had not occurred to me.

Dave said...

Had you thought of taking up a career as a political satirist?

arwriter said...

yes!!! do it!!!! wait. don't you already?

Tim Footman said...

I thought George was the satirist. Any day now, he’ll peel off that weird latex man-boy mask and reveal himself to be Chris Morris.

I, Like The View said...

he just looks like such a plonker, doesn't he

(is he really a plonker, Vicus?)

(which brings to mind the old conundrum: is it better to look more stupid than you are, or to be more stupid than you look?)

Scarlet Blue said...

I imagine that George will be confused whan he is invited to Chequers.... because he is an Exchequer...