Thursday, May 13, 2010

George's new job


So far it looked like being one of George’s favouritest days ever! He had a new job, and had remembered to go to Dave’s new office, which was NEXT DOOR! How fab was that? Even he couldn’t get lost! Well, he could, but PC Collins, who seemed to want to follow him anywhere, had stopped him in Horse Guards Parade.


His job seemed to involve sitting round a table listening to Dave and some of the other chaps witter on about something or other, but George was very happy because his secretary had written his name on both sides of the name tag, so he wouldn’t get caught out like that again.

Even better, he had woken up at 4 o’clock this morning with a really brilliant idea! If anyone asked him a difficult question about his new job, such as “What’s an exchequer?” or “Who is the governor of the Bank of England”, he would simply say “I think I will let Vince answer that!”. Brilliant or what? George knew that he wasn’t as dim as some people liked to think. He had practised the phrase in front of his bathroom mirror for twenty minutes this morning, and was pretty sure he could remember it. The only event to spoil the day was when he was in front of the mirror in the gents at number 10, practising “I think I will let Vince answer that!”, and had jumped a mile when the mirror had replied “What are you doing, Osborne you tit, it’s me, Ollie!”. George was a bit cross, but knew he wasn’t the first person to mistake Osborne for Letwin.

George didn’t quite know what to make of his new friend Vince. He seemed quite old and a bit of a swot, and already had a habit of not taking George seriously. Dave had explained “He’s here to take the blame if anything goes wrong.” George thought that Dave was a very good politician, he thought of lots of clever stuff.

Today was nearly as good as the day when he had jumped on Jamie Fitzhugh-Jackson’s back and they had done two circuits of the track at royal Ascot before they had been nabbed by the rozzers. He had been arrested and kept a straight face when they asked him his name and he said “Osborne” (it was the first name he could think of). Dave had seemed a bit cross when he came to collect him from Windsor police station, but George knew that he would do it again next year.

The most exciting thing about the day had been when they told him that he had a new car and driver. He had almost wet himself. If this meeting ended on time he would have time to be driven all the way round the M25. In both directions! If not, he could leave it for another day, and spend the afternoon driving round the city, looking for old Boris to knock him off his bike.

15 comments:

Dave said...

Making fun of the differently-abled is too easy a target for a man of your calibre, surely?

Vicus Scurra said...

No, it is exactly easy enough. I think I have found my vocation.

arwriter said...

just found out what a minge is. what's a swot?

I, Like The View said...

this is going to be more fun than the saga of the Royal Divorces

Richard said...

Yes, very funny. They're such easy targets, aren't they.

arwriter, it's nothing to do with a minge.

Vicus Scurra said...

Anna. An oik. I hope that this helps. What's a minge?
ILTV. Oh dear. God job I didn't title it "Part 1".
Richard. I believe we ain't seen nothing yet.

Melcw said...

I found the article so funny! Keep up the satire Vicus

Richard said...

It's Prime Minister Ant 'n' Dec.

Vicus Scurra said...

Thank you Melissa. The gorgeous face of Conservatism. So much comelier than old Rog.

Vicus Scurra said...

Richard. Lots of suggestions for double acts - I liked the twitter suggestion that they would start governing as soon as they had moved the piano up the stairs.
I have enough material for the first 20 days of George's new job already, without having to think much about it.

Richard said...

What I like about the Ant and Dec one is that nobody knows which one is which. Photoshop Clegg's hair black...

I dare say somebody's done Mike and Bernie Winters with Osborne as Schnorbitz. Hang on, Schnorbitz was vaguely intelligent.

I, Like The View said...

God job? thought you didn't do that kind of work

as for Ant 'n' Dec, I once saw him in a shop - he was tiny! (whichever one it was that I saw)

arwriter said...

vicus...a minge supposedly is slang for the pubic hair around the labia of a woman's vagina. now, what's an oik? as you know it didn't help!

richard...thank you.

Vicus Scurra said...

Richard. The double act joke will run for ages. Second rate scribes will include it in future blog entries, according to Nostradamus.
ILTV. All these shops look the same to me.
Anna. How sweet! I will be sure to ask you the meaning of every dirty word that occurs to me.

arwriter said...

vicus, you still haven't told me what an oik or a swot is...