It seems to be a day for silly news. A man has been charged with “possession of an axe near the queen”. Or something daft such as that.
Let’s look at the evidence shall we?
The last 3 monarchs (if you include the idiot Edward VIII) died of smoking related illnesses, although there seems to be some suggestion that George V was finished off by a cocktail of cocaine and morphine. Very trendy. Is there any suggestion that smoking tobacco is bad for you, and that it should be banned from public places, let alone near a monarch? Of course not, the very idea is preposterous.
If we ignore the noble heads of state who died of natural causes, we are left with the following candidates:
- George IV died of obesity. I feel a strange fellowship with him. Do we hear of a woman being arrested for being in possession of a lemon meringue pie outside
? No, of course not. Neither is it a criminal offence to own a bag of chips and mushy peas in Balmoral. Windsor Castle
- George III died deaf, blind and insane. It could be argued that at over 80 he had had a good innings, and that the insanity was not directly linked to his watching daytime TV. But even if a causal link could be established, then does that mean that there is justification for imprisoning Jeremy Kyle? Actually, it probably does, so let’s skip that one and blame the demise of George on old age.
- George II died on the toilet. It is well known that the current head of the commonwealth does not use the lavatory, but there never seem to be any security measures taken to prevent her being in the vicinity of one.
- William II fell from a horse, broke his collarbone and died of resulting pneumonia. Horses. I shall be writing to Inspector Knacker and asking him to round up and incarcerate the Household Cavalry prior to this year’s Trooping the Colour.
Which takes us back to the only known victim of an axe, good old Charles I. I know that we live in uncertain times, but it seems a little overzealous of the security services to focus on some poor chap, innocently going about his axe-wielding business, particularly as it has been over 350 years since the last little hiccup.