Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Hands across the sea - part 3

Liz was rather surprised to be asked to open the "Old Hasbeen Silk Fetishists" home.

Meanwhile, Philip had great fun judging the Silly Hat Contest, even when the runner-up fondled him intimately.

While the queen distracted the security staff by taking an inordinate amount of time to finish her meal of grits, stewed possum and dirty rice, the Monmouthshire Militia began the campaign to reclaim the lost colonies.

"You are dumber than a bin full of turds, even my lanky streak of piss of a husband is smarter than you. They got rid of king George, then less than 250 years later their stupid descendants voted for you. You don't even understand what I'm saying, do you, you total and utter fuckwit?"

"Here's the bald motherfucker again, staring at my tits. Where are all the sodding assassins when you need them?"

12 comments:

Kindness said...

Just as I reattached them I am laughing them off again... for the record... I did NOT vote for the "total and utter fuckwit" (two comments in one day... my I am getting brave...)

Carmenzta said...

Vicus, YOU are responsible if I get fired! I have been Laughing Out Loud at my desk while staring at the screen for way too long. My goodness, the combination of Liz and Dubya is too much...

Richard said...

I think you can still have your entrails festooned across the front of London Bridge Station for seven years for this kind of sedition. Carry on.

Vicus Scurra said...

Kindness, don't apologise, stay awhile and have a chat.
Carmenzta! Never accuse me of being responsible!
Richard, I have done that before, but that's another story.

Pamela said...

Vicus, vicus, vicus..... How dare you denigrate the fine cuisine that was fed to your Queen while she was on our shores? Possum was not on the menu, but I do believe there was something fishy....

homo escapeons said...

Hilarious post old sport.

George was understandably confused and embarrased because he has never even heard of Jamestown and he thought that Liz was there to celebrate the 400th anniversary of Jonestown... which made sense because at the White House Dinner they wuz serving Purple Jesus shooters...
"cause Lizzie 'ol girl thats whatcha drink win yer eating 'possum or 'gator."

"pssst hey Dickie, didn't I tell y'all that for a gal that's three days older than kerosene she still got a hell of a royal pair!"

If she would have just paid for her own flight and accomodations to attend the bloody Kentucky Derby then she would not have had to put up with all of that crap.

Vicus Scurra said...

Pamela, please do not demonstrate your ignorance of etiquette on this forum. The queen is English, with strong Germanic roots. The idea that she would be presented with "fine cuisine" would be to spit in the face of centuries of the tradition of her culture.
Donn! Pay! Fucking pay?! If she were to pay, then what would they do with my taxes? Think things through, for heaven's sake!

Reg Pither said...

How about:
1. Local historian Chuck Weimer demonstrates exactly how to make the kind of farty noise which scared the red coats out of Boston.
2. Mrs Wilmer Horsevessel distracts Big Phil with a joke about slitty-eyed Japs while her sister-in-law deftly has it away with his "Visitor" pass.
3. When inter-breeding and the exact role of the Royal Family are explained to Lieutenant Hank Durkowitz he fails to comprehend and his head explodes!
4 and 5? Vicus, I wouldn't even attempt to modify the already perfect.

Vicus Scurra said...

Thank you Reg, for bringing a little of your perspicacity to this internet backwater.

I, like the view said...

backwater?

*goes off to find paddle*

broomhilda said...

I tried to warn Liz about old baldy, but as you know, she just doesn't listen to me anymore. Fortunatly, the Shrub listened to my advise concerning the menu, he wanted to serve roadkill stew and armadillo roast...

Vicus Scurra said...

Thanks Broomhilda. It is nice to know there is someone on site helping out.