Monday, May 14, 2007

Tori Amos Fully Clothed, sod off perverts.

I am not best pleased with Graham Norton. I did not expect, although it would have been polite, him to telephone me to apologise in response to my letter of complaint, but there was no mention of me on his latest programme, even though he did attempt to cover Liz’s recent holiday. I could have helped him so much.

He compounded the issue by excreting on about the bloody song contest, but as with Mike, I expect he has some contractual obligation to do so. The rest of you should know better. His guests were Gerard Depardieu and a young lady called “Tori Amos”, who seems to have plucked her sobriquet (have you ever plucked your sobriquet, missus?) from the ethers and combined the world’s most anachronistic political organisation with one of the Old Testament’s leading bores, about whom I have written elsewhere. Well, he has had his chance. I shall not be appearing on next week’s instalment with him, and may go to talk to Oprah instead.

I may give him the benefit of the doubt. Gerry was once in a film with my lookalike, Andie McDowell, and my turning up may have confused the poor old chap, so I will not be too harsh on the BBC when they coming begging me in the week.

On the subject of television, I was sorry to see the end of the current series of “The Wire”. I still miss much of the dialect, but it is so good. Almost up to NYPD Blue standards, but so much darker. I think that Bunk may well finish up being my favourite tv detective. There is only going to be one more series, because the writers have run out of ideas. Not very professional in my view. Not having anything to write about has never stood in the way of my churning out this drivel.

25 comments:

I, like the view said...

*swoons*

I love Andie McDowell. . .

;-)


*thinks*

really ought to watch more TV, vicus has so much of interest to write about. . .

:-)

MJ said...

Tori Amos Naked and Breastfeeding a Pig.

You left out that bit.

Mark Gamon said...

I dunno much about Tori Amos. She lives in North Cornwall. She wrote a good tune called 'Cornflake Girl'. In the spirit of waking up with a sunny disposition, I can recommend both. Ahfankyew.

Dave said...

I have never seen any of these televisual events of which you write, and as a consequence have no idea what any of this post is about.

Nothing new there then.



I did watch Alan Coren's son eating a lot of food whilst wearing a silly hat last night.

He was wearing the hat, not me. though.

Dave said...

I regert the intrusion of the word 'though' in my last comment.

It was left over from a longer coment, which I thought I had deleted entirely, about Sue Perkins.

Vicus Scurra said...

Thank you all for your comments which did much to further the cause of drivel. I am confident of victory.

Dave said...

I regret the intrusion of the word 'regert' in my last comment.

Was Amos the chap who collected nuts? I am hazy about this area.

Vicus Scurra said...

I thought it was figs, Dave, but you are the theologist. Did you not follow the link that I kindly left in my text? How on earth are you going to find material for Sundays if you do not allow me to help?

Richard said...

Yes, Tori Amos is as mad as a hat of spanners but she does write the odd good tune (he says authoritatively, but the Cornflake one is the only one that comes to mind). I haven't a clue about The Wire. Vicus, I was waiting for your review of HolbyBlue to be honest. I am sorely disappointed because I haven't seen it yet.

Carmenzta said...

Vicus, I would have never thought you would turn out to be a "Wire" fan. I am always contented when I understand at least a part of your posts, being blonde and all... (I'm talking about me being blonde).

Dyna Girl said...

Golly. Do you model cosmetics and hair dye, too?

I like Tori. She's swell.

ziggi said...

so, who did shoot Joey Salvo?

tom909 said...

I am struggling to believe that Tory Amos, one of our countries leading political commentators, has somehow got mixed up in anything so mundane as an American detective story.
How I wish we could return to the old days when we selected a career and stuck to it. It is actually my strongly held belief that one of the main causes of instability in our society is not, as is widely believed, the excessive use of alcohol, but the almost total disregard for the utter brilliance of Harry Ferguson's Three Point Linkage.

Vicus Scurra said...

Ziggi. Was that the mafia guy from early on in NYPD Blue? Wasn't he shot by a cop? I dunno. I am sure the answer is out there on the internet somewhere, but I have Tom to deal with.
Tom. Nice to see you tackling the serious issues of society rather than going out there and milking the gazelles, or whatever you do all morning. I will not countenance attempts to divert this thread through those subjects that occur to your rampant imagination. We were talking about me and how I have been snubbed by a minor celebrity.

Dave said...

You may know alittle about the minor OT prophets, but yor education is sadly lacking if you believe the surnames of Sir Cliff Richard and Sir Viv Richards are the same.

They do appear to have the same first name though, so the joke nearly worked.

Dave said...

I regret the typos in my previous post. Quite seriously the drugs I am taking cause me to see double, and I keep hitting the wrong keys.

I had to correct several typpos in this post too.

Vicus Scurra said...

Dave, do not apologise - drug addled pedantic ramblings are the staple diet here. I should be the one to apologise for getting the name of a talentless twat who once appeared in the bloody song contest wrong. Thank you for dragging that debate over here.

spentrails said...

Tori, as in Torridon or Torrid? What is this televisual entertainment of which you speak?

Vicus Scurra said...

Hello Spentrails, and welcome. I see you are a talented and accomplished satirist - I have read your blog. I laughed until I had to go to the bathroom, where do you get all of your ideas from?

Dave said...

Which song contest was that, Vic?

homo escapeons said...

I have always had a soft spot in my heart for Andie McDowell because she is a Southern gal who is a nymphomaniac in all of her films and when she is being interviewed she uses the word 'aspozed' instead of supposed.

spentrails said...

Thank you. They're not my ideas. I'm an accomplished plagiarist as well as budding satirist.

Vicus Scurra said...

HE, I think that the physical resemblance is the only one that I share with the young lady.

I, like the view said...

that's good enough for me

Kindness said...

I love love love Det. William 'Bunk' Moreland! Best quote: "Son, They gonna beat on your White ass like it was a Rented Mule."