It is some time since I was in contact with my old pal Stephen Fry (we were in the same pub darts team, and also took a course in metalwork together at the Open University), and I was pleased to notice that he has taken up blogging. It may well be the sort of thing that gets him some serious attention at last. It may be churlish to criticise the new boy, but his first article tends to be on the long side. I know, it is difficult to get this right. One needs to develop a theme, and therefore exceed the standard length of articles on myspace (i.e. “Sup?”) or facebook (maximum 2 sentences), but not be so verbose that the reader is put off by the sight of too many words.
Anyway, the point is, I need to get my act together to impress old Steve when he comes over here – I may be tempted to leave a comment, and he might follow it, and I would hate for him to find the rather meagre fare that I have offered to you all of late. Pointers to obscure Scottish poets (is that tautology?) and so forth. Alas, I have rather lost track of what it is that you expect of me. The readership has changed, gone are Mark, Tom and Real Doc. Zoe occasionally blows in on her tour of underprivileged blogs, but I am at a loss to know what sort of treat to prepare for Stevie baby when he visits. Do any of you have any suggestions for a subject that would grab his attention and prevent his pouring scorn on my style? Just name a subject, and I will tell you what a complete tosser you are for suggesting it, and write about something totally different. This is your chance at collaboration. This web log will be on the A level syllabus in fifty years time, and you may get a mention as a supporting artist.
you should write about sleepwalking, sleep-talking and what other activities people could do in their sleep
Ask him if he thinks Dawkins is a hottie.
The difference between Doric, Ionic and Corinthian columns.
That always gets a good post.
(There is a meagre pun in that last sentence, but don't worry about it.)
Star-struck? Scurra? Surely not.
Why not just ignore him? If you must have his attention, why not write something highly libelous? (Involving bottoms and credit card fraud, perhaps?). Ok, you'll hear from his lawyers first but at least you'll eventually get to meet him. The meeting place would be in The Strand, I believe.
As to the A-level syllabus in the second half of this century, I wouldn't get too carried away. We'll all be on it, bearing in mind Little Mrs Pepperpot is already there.
Surely you should write about the importance of choosing points of reference wisely rather than going for the glaringly obvious?
when I used the word tautology a while ago, in reference to a book of mine, the design of which was based on a Paolozzi design, being on display at the British Libary (outside the BL building is a Paolozzi sculpture), someone told me I had spelt it incorrectly and I should have written tortology
they were mistaken, I believe
if you google tortology there are 1,640 pages of reference to amuse yourself with; tautology has 1,090,000; and Stephen Fry 1,970,000 (to Eduardo's 138,000)
maybe you should write a post about zoe's breasts?
Well now, do i detect hesitation, from the ever so confident Vicus?
Lost our touch?
No fear, your friends are here. The Zoes breasts idea isnt bad, but you could use Regs breasts too.
Or you could write about mudwrestling and its efect on an average male.
Oh what the hell, just combine all three of them.
You should blog about why Martin Amis is such a clever dick?
I'm reading one of his books at the moment and the man cannot write a sentence without fifteen consultations of the thesaurus and/or University Challenge handbook.
I doubt it would be any less compelling than the usual crap on offer here. No point in sending him over to mine then.
I think you should regale us with stories of your youth. Maybe he can use it as material.
Talk among yourselves.....
what do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating in a swimming pool?
Bob. . .
what do call a man with no arms and no legs doing lengths in a swimming pool?
clever Dick. . .
sorry, it was something that KAZ said
Blimey. Doesn't Dame Vicus reply to his post's anymore?
I am SO excited that I know the difference between Dave's columns, in a serious non Benny Hill way.
Every now and then in life there is a mention of something I actually learnt at school and can remember; it doesn't happen very often on account of the drugs but when it does I suddenly come to and shout YES! (Also non Benny Hill).
I cannot imagine that Sir Sephen will be interested in being re-imformed about the male/female/whole thing (complete grasp of it all: you can see)logic of the columns - nothing to do with Benny Hill - but what ever you throw at him I'm sure he will rise to the occasion. Also not etc....
As you flatter me from time to time I don't care what you write. Yeah, I am deep.
My breasts are still here.
There, my presence has been made.
As long as you keep a ratio 40% wit and 60% debauchery you should be fine.
Off to write a post about my own breast.
That guy Stepen Fry is far too clever for his own good. he always makes me feel slightly inadequate, but then he disappears for weeks on end to sort his brains out - I'll just stay thick - it's less painfull.
I'm up for discussing any one's breasts by the way.
Stephen Fry?? Is he the gay one or the doctor?
In case Mr.Pither is right...a short history of the Law Courts should do it.
Stephen Fry? I feel I should know who you are talking about. Perhaps I'll look him up on Wikapedia.
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